Spillage

So the other day I was at some far off place in a church watching my teacher's compositions be played live. It was pretty cool until the preacher guy came on and started telling people you'll never be a good person until you believe in his god. And then you watch as these parents are pushing their little children, 2 to 5 years old, innocent toddlers and minds, up to the front. Where they are taken to the back room once the service is over to begin the process of a lifelong indoctrination. It made me feel sad, and a little sick in my stomach. I've been told that the parents feel it's important therefore it's their decision what they teach their kids. But, sigh. I just don't know. Those kids wouldn't know any better. If you told a child all their life that under the ground is a hidden palace of golden jewels, they'd believe it. Especially if it came from people they trust; parents, teachers, peers. Et cetera.

I decided to take the long way home, mainly so I could just listen to music. I took a bus for once instead of the train. The train would have taken 15 minutes, but I felt a nice 45 minute bus ride going through places I haven't even heard of yet sounded nicer. I say sounded, but the only thing I could hear was the blasting of the Front Bottoms in my ear. That band is pretty good, grows on you the more you listen too. I suppose that's true for most bands.

Currently it's exam preparation week. That's not the actual name of the week, but I don't know what else to call it. My recital will be next wednesday. That's when I'll be presenting my rock opera to the judges, if you will. A head of audio production and a head of classical music. I'm not really sure what they'll think of it, but I tried to fit to the rubric as close as possible. Hopefully it'll be better than last semester. Not that I did terribly last time, but it's always nice to improve a bit.

I really miss my old friends. It feels like forever ago since I've spoken to anyone who isn't living on this little rock currently. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I suppose the trouble is since it's been so long, I don't really know how to start anything. The conversation I mean. I'm sure everyone's just busy doing their own thing too. Some'd be close to finishing their first year too. Or their first half year. Or just living. I had a dream where everyone was around and it was like nothing had changed, along with new faces being their too. It was nice. Ah, so descriptive. I feel very rusty. Haven't really had time to write anything for a long time. I've been busy too I guess you could say. I wonder if I've changed much since this time last year. Or since IB had ended. Living by myself for a while now makes me feel at times like I'm a completely different person. But still me. Eh, what am I saying. Well, I'm happy anyway. Tired. But happy. Just felt like writing a bit to myself.

Bye then.

Alternate Chapter 6

As per the ingenious suggestion to spice up my ending a bit from my one and only class mate, I took it upon myself to turn this rock opera into the beginnings of a SPACE ROCK OPERA. Prepare for part 2, coming soon to a stadium near you. 

Amended Chapter 6 - Release

You know what? You only see what you want to see. All of you disapproving parents. All of you conservative, backwards groups who are so absorbed into their anus they’re used the smell of their own faeces. This isn’t a revolution, this is just people living their own life. If you want to force people to conform to your standards and your own outdated ethics then maybe you should try and open your eyes every once and a while, and actually see people for what they really are. They aren’t identical copies of each other, they’re people who’ve come to the same conclusions. We have been chosen to pave the way for future generations by the benevolent Greanon from the planet Yajnaj 7. WE ARE THE CHOSEN ONES!!! ALL WHO DISAGREE SHALL PERISH TO THE FLAME!

Aaron Ray Mason was subsequently beamed up by the Greanon Starship Armada, along with all other vegetable lads and lasses. At last, a new era of change dawns upon humanity. All those left behind uttered the same, final word.

Why?

The Vegetable Boy

This is a draft outline of what my rock operetta will be about. Each "chapter" will be encapsulated by a song or piece of music. The idea is to have a cohesive story told through music of varying genres. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't, but there's only one way to find out.

Chapter 1 - AM

Ever since Aaron Ray Mason turned 18, his days have forever been the same. AM to PM, one hand on the remote, the other down his pants. He doesn’t want eat, he doesn’t want sleep, he doesn’t want speak. In fact it’s even irrelevant if he wants to or not, he doesn’t need to. He’s just like everyone else in his generation. It’s almost like a rite of passage into adulthood. If you don’t become a vegetable when you come of age, there’s something inherently wrong with you, you sicko. He’s no different from anyone else, I could’ve chosen anyone his age to write about, and the story would be the exact same song and dance. At least he’s average. That’s more than what some people hope to be in their life. 

Chapter 2 - The Boy Who Couldn’t Stand

He never used to be like this though. No, he was quite an active little kid actually. Played with friends, had adventures in his own mind grander than any movie or video game could ever present to him. His parents were so proud. When he was 13 reports started surfacing of teens who had lost all will to move. He heard his parents say they were all just good for nothing kids anyways. Wastes of space. Pot smoking meth heads who would have never amounted to anything. 

As the years went on, more and more reports came about until it was such a common occurrence it stopped becoming news. At first it was treated like an epidemic. People feared some kind of disease had targeted the young folk, others believed it was alien intervention. Some said it was an act of God, punishing the lazy sinners addicted to lust and self love. Even with all the speculation, the unanimous agreement of the parents was that these problem children were all wrong mentally, and that their own children could never possibly succumb to such a fate. Aaron’s parents in particular were very adamant that their then 17 year old - grade A never drank or smoked - son would be a victim. Queue the 18th birthday. 

Just like everyone else, he became a vegetable. Forever perched on his old leather couch, conveniently placed in front of the house’s spare TV. He seemed quite content with his new life, and adjusted just as quick as everyone else. His parents were thrown into a wild hurricane frenzy. They called a doctor a therapist and even a preacher. Could anything make him move?

Chapter 3 - It’s All Just White Noise

Therapist: Son, let me sit down here next to you. Consider me a friend. You can tell me anything. - Do you feel sad? - Are you under any pressure? - I’m here for you. I’m here to help. Anything you say here will always be confidential. Don’t worry about the fact I consult your parents after every session, we’re not talking about you. Honest.

I suggest bringing him to our institution.

Doctor: Well, all the blood samples came back negative. There doesn’t seem to be anything in him that makes him special or different to any other case. He is completely normal. I would suggest 6 of these every day and 4 of these. And let’s say another 2 of these for good measure.

We may be able to take a closer look in the lab.

Preacher: This boy has been cursed by the devil, mark my words. The lord has struck this child for all the sins he has amassed over his putrid sinful life of youth and freedom.This is what you deserve, however, he shall be in my prayers, I promise. 

Now, any donations would be greatly appreciated.

Chapter 4 - “Stand Up”

Why are you doing this to us, Aaron? You’re giving us a bad name. Don’t you even care what the neighbours say about us? You’re just like everyone else. Here we were, for all those years, thinking you would amount to something. BE someone. But no, you managed to prove us wrong. You’re nothing but a waste of space, just like your entire black hole of a generation. How do you think this makes us feel? How selfish can you get? We trusted you, and this is how you let us down. A constant disappointment. 

If you ever stand up again, the first place you’re going is out of here.

Chapter 5 - Build Up

Somewhere deep inside Aaron Ray Mason’s mind, the long pre-heating cogs began to initiate. A cold bitter intelligent rage was building up inside him, and it was only a matter of time before his moment came.

Chapter 6 - Release

You know what? You only see what you want to see. All of you disapproving parents. All of you conservative, backwards groups who are so absorbed into their anus they’re used to the smell of their own faeces. This isn’t a revolution, this is just people living their own life. If you want to force people to conform to your standards and your own outdated ethics then maybe you should try and open your eyes every once and a while, and actually see people for what they really are. They aren’t identical copies of each other, they’re people who’ve come to the same conclusions. This isn’t a revolution, simply a social evolution that will happen regardless of if you approve of it or not. Facts are facts until proven on, and then we move on with the new knowledge. All I know is I don’t know nothing, and I sure as hell know more than you.

Hildred goes to the Supermarket

So, I've just finished 5 compositions. They're all required pieces of homework though, so it's not like I was just feeling prolific today. Though I suppose 5 is 5. Even if they're still really short. Like, only just over 20 bars for some, 16 for others. One was only 8, the bare minimum. I didn't really like it very much. It was using the technique of planing. I'd explain how to plane but it's too much of a pain. So maybe just google it. You'll probably find a ton of pictures of planes though. So, hm. It's not actually that complicated. Just playing chords in the same position consecutively. THERE. So anyway, I just realised I'm almost up to 200 posts. That's quite a lot I suppose. I just wrote a sentence talking about how I don't know if even over half my posts are any good, but then I deleted it because, let's be honest here, they're all amazing. End of story.

But not really. Well, actually, yeah. I guess it is. Not really much else to say. Oh yeah, I'm nineteen now I suppose. My party was fun. I made a construction workers day the other day by saying how cool it was that he can control the massive robot he was in. He turned around and did this massive smile out the cockpit. It was pretty nice.

Alright then, that's about it.

Go West

Apparently it's peaceful there, according to the Petshop Boys. But uh, I dunno. Was it really? I suppose it was. Nothing was really going on. It was like some rich suburban district all around some rain forest. It was pretty cool originally just walking parallel to the big busy shopping street though. No one was there but me and like, 2 other people just minding their own business. Going on with their lives. I wondered what they see, and if everyone sees the same things. Maybe not. Maybe the realm of the sensory isn't consistent, but we all agree that what we see is what we see, so in the end it doesn't matter. Adjectives our true to the meaning we attribute to it, so it's not like we'd know any different.

Imagine being forced into styrofoam boots and then being pushed into a river. Wouldn't that be an experience? Hmmm. I'm gonna head south today I think. Maybe south and then like, east. Hell, why should I limit the directions I turn. Why don't I just travel the whole universe. If I go far enough, I'll end up right where I started eventually. Like one big loop. Unless I get lost along the way. But is it really possible to get lost if you have no intended destination in the first place? Hard to say, I suppose.

Well, that was horribly pointless.

TIME TO GO FOR A WALK.

Breathing space

Hello again!

This time I've come back much less depressed than before (which explains the ! in my greeting). Which is good, for a change, I think. I've now understood the reason as to why my girlfriend seemed overly attached that day. You know, that day she tried to jump off the ledge of my bedroom window. She says I had forgotten my inhaler, because I've been running.

All day.

On her mind.

Sigh, I should never make pre-conceived judgements about her. Sorry, love.

*breathes inhaler*

-Freeg

BAH

I have an overly attached girlfriend. I tried to contain her in my room just this afternoon because I had class, but no. She threatened to jump off the window. I'm only four stories up so I don't really care. I have class now anyway. Bah humbug.

Remember when I said that this blog was purely for professional reasons? Well yeah, I can't seem to log into this other blog I was meaning to write in, so hey! Something new for you guys. Trying out something new by touching my personal side.

Can this class not end? I'm not being sarcastic. I just.. I just don't wanna go back.

-Freeg

A Conversation

"TELL IT TO ME STRAIGHT, DOCTOR! Will I ever see my husband again!?"
"Ah, Mrs Partridge. You know, out of all the recently widowed women I've got to deal with today, you are by far my favourite.
"WHAT! Flattery will only get you so far, doctor Coleridge"
"Oh ho, touché my dear. Touché. But, to be perfectly honest. I do believe the extended bifrontal craniotomy was a failure. I.. I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Partridge."
"Please, call me Patricia. Mrs. Partridge was my mother"
"That's right, I remember trying to dislodge that gruesome fork that somehow made its way lodge between her anal cavity and rectum.
"Mmm, indeed. Do you have a light?"
"Patricia, this is a hospital, you must kno-"
"Amazing! And you're a doctor! My, this game of stating the obvious is so charming Dr. Coleridge. Now, a light?"
"Err, yes. Yes, quite right. Here. Now I'm dreadfully sorry about the state of your current family Mrs. Part- Patricia. It's really quite miraculous. A slew of 5 fatal incidents in only 10 days! What do you think this means? Aren't you worried?"
"Dr. Coleridge, are you implying that all these deaths surrounding my late husbands' family are connected? How silly you are. So truly, truly, silly. Besides. There's plenty in it for you, so what are you complaining about?"
"Complaining? Far from it my dear! Ha.. ha HAH. HAHAHAHAH. No no, please. I would never propose such a preposterous proposition. You're probably anxious to be on your way home now. As I've previously mentioned, there are several other relicts I must attend to."
"Okay dear. Good-day."
"Yes. Good-day, Patricia. Do call if there's anything. Anything, that I can do for you.

Simplify The Fly Unagi

Well then!

I have successfully been clean for over 24 hours now.
It feels pretty good.
Pretty damn good indeed.

I suppose it's an almost contrary reaction to the hectic-ness of this week. It's not even over yet, but I'm pretty optimistic about it. Life seems to be a sweet breeze just blowin' in the wind right now. The times, they are a changing. But then, at the same time, not really. What's changed is that work will be dramatically lowered.
But..
HAHAHA.
Like what I've had so far can even be considered a lot of work. Compared to the past, homework every day, several late nights to finish essays, and then coming on here to complain about it. There's none of that.
None at all.
Zilch.
And I suppose that's just the nature of this beast. It's not really 'work', is it? It's more like.. Outlined fun. Hahahaha. Oh look, I started a sentence with "and". I suppose it's true if you haven't written for a while your ability deteriorates. But then I'm pretty sure I've done that before plenty of times. SO I GUESS NOTHING'S CHANGED. Ahhhhhhh. That's a nice sigh by the way, not a cry of agony.

No, I haven't cried in agony for a while. Not even for the times when I'm sitting here in my uncomfortable desk chair and my butt has ceased existing. Or when I really wish I could have lunch, but know it's just an impossibility ahah.

God. This is so out of character. I should be depressed. Or moaning about something. Does this count as moaning? I'm so confuuussed. That hasn't changed either I suppose. I'm still quite confused about a great many things. You know, I've got to learn about people like David Bowie and Lou Reed in pop history, and it's really interesting learning about that whole glam rock era. It makes me really wish I could've seen what it was like to grow up in it. I have a feeling if I was living around the areas glam rock started up, I would totally be dressing up and forming a band as a made up character with exuberant hair and glamorous eye liner. Hell, what is this but an outlet for me to dress up my own mind's thoughts.

I think I've successfully wasted enough time now for my shower's hot water to heat up. YAY.
Bye bye then.

F to the G

Crickity-crackity-tick-a-tack.

That's the sound of my spine clicking back into the place. I've been dead for a while. But I'm back now. So you can uncurl yourself out of the foetal position now. That's it. That's it. Everything will be all right now. Sniff sniff. How've you been?

I've been great. Thanks for throwing me out into the trash and then coming back to salvage me like, three months later.

You're welcome! It's time to get back to work now.

Well fuck you too, I've already started work. I've been working all night long every night for the past three months.

Nice one, brah! I knew I could count on you.

Tell that to the crippled robots of the seventh planet. I'm sure they'd love to hear that kind of encouragement.

Sigh, why are you bringing that up now? That whole engagement is long over now. Finished it in 2 hours. Well, 2 and a half to be more precise. But who counts the amount of dirty napkins in a pool of toxic sludge from the local chicken rice stall?

Fweh fweh fweh. Well. I'm broke. Here's my new song. I can sing solfage now, do re meeeeee. Read as "doh, ray, meh". That's the first three notes of the minor scale. Which one? ANY. DOESN'T MATTER.

The more you know. Yay. However you won't hear any improvement in my voice in this song. You know why? Because this is just how I want the song to sound like. Wanna fight about it? No thanks.

Here's the song. Like it. Love it. Share it on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, myspace, and every other social media site you kids are into nowadays. Tell the world:

Freeg is back.

And BROKE.

Fare-thee-well. kinda...

Wow! It's been quite a while since I've made a proper blog post. Well, kinda sorry to say this, but that's probably how it's gonna be for a while now.

I've decided this blog is going to solely be more about my "professional" stuff. Since I'll be going to college to study composition and all, I'll be getting a lot more material to put up here. So.. Yay about that! But as a result, I'm going to be writing a lot less personal things, because they don't really belong here any more. In hind sight, I have to say it was a very stupid thing of me to make something like this completely open to everyone and anyone. I used to think being an open book was just something that's good and fine (well in a way i still do think that), but since I'll be going to a new school, meeting entirely new people and doing totally new things, this is a rare opportunity to actually try things again differently. So that means bye bye openness and hello privacy.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I minded that most people read this blog, and it's not like I'll be deleting any personal posts I've done in the past, because
A) that would be way too much work and
B) I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of my past anyway, so who cares if those old posts are still up?

A great friend of mine said there's quite some value in mystery anyway (I'm paraphrasing), so maybe this decision is actually a smart one.

So, just to recap in closing, I'll be writing only "professional" things here from now on, and I'll be writing anything even remotely personal on a different blog that's very unlikely to be found. However if you do wanna read that, for some strange reason, just ask me in real life then. I'm fine with people I trust reading it anyways.

Okay then!

See you around,

-Freeg

Resolute

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. There's just no more time for that anymore. How am I supposed to improve myself if I'm too fuckin' immobilised by my past sucky achievements.

Time to pick up my guitar, pick up my notebook, and pick up my own sad excuse of a passion and get MOVING. IT'S TIME TO GO PEOPLE, WHETHER YOU'RE READY OR NOT. There's just NO MORE time TO dwell. Not for me anyway.

I haven't posted in quite a while because I just suck, okay? But now I've finally felt it again. That irking excitement to get up and play. I feel it in my booones. So there you have it. I'm finally picking myself up out of this dank hole I've been stuck in ever since I found out. Let's hope I never fall back in again. Cause next time, I'll be all by myself too.

Tis the second of July, Julie.

Who the eff is Julia? Fucked if I know!

Ohohoh, do you, do you see what I did there? I censored myself at first to bring you into my lair of feeling comfortable and at ease, and then BAM. Just like that, crank that shit up to 37 out of a possible 22. That's right, that's right. Thank you, thank you. Oh no, really, please, hold your applause! You're making me all embarrassed up here! Aw shucks, what can I say? Where would I be without my studio audience. Ohohh, you're just too great, honestly.

Anyways, it's July! Did ya here? Maybe you should read the local papers more often. If the know one thing in the world, it's the date. Mmhmm, if that ain't the truth I don't know WHAT is. Am I right? Am I right? Of course you're right.
Uh, but, in all seriousness. It's finally July. Took your bloody sweet time getting here, but you've finally came. I suppose this is going to be my epilogue for living in Penang. It's been a swell time. I hope this final month will be a good one to remember as a last hoorah before I'm unleashed upon the world in all of my uncensored green haired horror. There's quite a bit I want to do, so hopefully it will all work out fine and dandy.

Only time will tell of course. It could be entirely disappointing for all I know. It's hard not to be optimistic though. But then usually when that's a hard thing, it's almost always doomed to end miserably one way or another.
Hm.. But I'm not gonna think about that possibility now. No way no how. Instead, I'm now going to now go to going to now go now to now going to go now to going now to go to sleep now.

Okay. Now you can clap all you want. I'm finished.

Concentration is the key to unlocking the mind's eye.

heeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuooooooooeeeeeeoooooooooo.

You should read that out loud, starting very high pitched and grainy, and then slowly descending in pitch until it's as low as a shallow grave.

SOOSOSOSOSOSO!!! SO! What's happening? NUTHIN MUCH. Just. I dunno, man. I dunno, woman. I dunno, badger. I dunno, OKAY!? Jeeeez. Give it a rest already.

I don't. I don't feel like doing anything. I dunno. It's not like, I don't want to do anything. I just. I just don't, feel it, you know? I don't feel any inspiration writhing up and down my squeegly squoogly spine. Can you relate? Is that something relate-able? WHHOOOOOO (pronounced hu) knows!

So, I'm home alone right now until tomorrow. Woot woot. Got the house to myself. Too bad I don't know what to do about it. Ahaha. I'm just. I'm just feeling kind of clueless, I guess. I don't really know. I don't really, know, ya know, know, what to make of this. Even these darn paragraphs have no  meat to them. What's the point of even writing them!

I found a new band. It's called Ninja Sex Party and they are AWESOME.

Haha. That's it. No more now. Any grey matter that was still functioning in my head, behind my face, just above my throat, has now evacuated the building. Perhaps I should do the same. FIRE! FIRE! OH BLIMEY, THERE'S A FIRE IN HERE! A fiiiiirre, iiiin myyy soouuuulllll.

lolzjk.

Ahhh-

I'm writing this on the can right now. Why? Because I can! Haahahaaahoohohoh. Don't like it? Deal with it! I got green hair, okay? I can do whatever the fuck I want, damn it!

So, turns out I won a stupid award. Yay. Great. This means I have to turn up to the most boring day of school ever. Just when I think I've finally gotten away from it, it comes right back swinging. Sighhhhhhhhh. Haha, I don't even feel like I deserve an award. Why would I? I've done nothing of merit all year. Not to mention i haven't had to be in school for the past month. You know what my life has consisted of since my freedom? Basically videogames, eating, and then working out as a half assed attempt to counter balance the lazy shit I've engrossed my life with. Does that even make sense? Maybe! Who cares! I'm still just sitting on the can! I mean I'm not doing anything. Just sitting here. It's relaxing. The curvature of the seat is delicately hand crafted for absolute comfort and sitting bliss. Just kidding. I'd give it an "okay" rating at best. It's better than the outside seats in straits quay though. Those are probably one of the most uncomfortable seats I've ever sat on in my life. A dead spikey hedgehog frozen with sharp stalagtites (or stalagmites, whatever) protruding out of it would be more comfortable.

MY PHONE IS ABOUT TO RUN OUT OF BATTERY NOW SO GOODNIGHT PEACE OUT FUCK OFF BOOM.

Hold the candle by the tip of the flame

I, I, I, I, I just wanna go UUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. But, no. It's not practical. Why bother with that. Just gotta tell yourself -stop- You know? There will come a time when things like certain trains of thought will be long gone from the station. But do I want them gone? Maybe it's better to just keep them in the corner, a blanket covering the caboose. They'll collect dust, and eventually fade from memory. Will they? I don't know. -stop- That's the most important thing I think. Just gotta remind myself to stop every now and then. I've gotten pretty good at rationalizing I think. I can see when my thoughts are spinning a bit uncontrollably out of control, which makes it a lot easier then to just say -stop- I mean the thoughts come back as sure as vultures pick the boiling scabs off decaying bodies in the middle of a desert. But, it's okay. That's when you yet again just say -stop-

Lately, my nose has been really irritated. It's killing me. I don't feel at peace ever. Sleeping isn't even nice because I can't get away from my Damn nose. Fuck! What I wouldn't give for the itchiness to go away. It's been getting worse and worse for over 2 weeks now. Uggghhh. -stop-

Can I tell you something? I am kinda freaking out about university. Kind of. I mean. Just a bit. It's just... How am I ever going to be sure I'll have enough inspiration to be able to write a new piece every week? It's gonna be hard at first, I imagine. Once I get it started I suppose it won't be so bad. But... I can't just write things willy nilly, ya know? I gotta actually be thinking of something. Otherwise it's just a piece of churned out shit, right? There's gotta be some kind of feeling behind whatever it is I'm writing. Otherwise there's no point. But Damn. I don't know what it's going to be like. I don't know -stop-

Sigh.. If you keep putting on the brakes, you'll never get anywhere. I'll be fine. Everything will be fine. Whatever. By the way, the new Noah and the Whale album; it was a little disappointing. Not that it's "bad". It's just.. Not what I hoped for I guess. I suppose it's good though. If all those songs I like from them are just bred from total heartache and depression, then I'm glad the songwriter doesn't have to experience feelings like those for another album. It reminds me of Weezer though. Both their second albums were totally emotion fueled, but then after that, it's like they're all dried out. They had nothing left to give out, so all that was left was happy songs about being happy and full of joy and love and whatever. It's interesting though. The connection between the two band's careers. Hmmmm.. Careers. -stop-

Waiting Room

Things are kinda blurry only like 20 feet away now... I'm not really sure what to think of this. Maybe my eyesight is getting worse?

Eh.

I'm waiting in the airport right now for the plane back home. It was a short trip I was on, but it was still awesome. Met some new people. Hung out with one of my best friends. Ahh.. It's not so bad, since I know we'll see each other again some day. That goes for everyone I guess. Good-by is never really good-by unless I don't actually want to see you again.

Hmm..

Well that's what I tell myself anyway. Maybe I'm being really naive here. But, I doubt it. There's always a way for people to meet again. I mean... If they're still alive anyway. Heh.

Oh goody! Boarding time now. Hoooorah.

Don't eat the yellow, green, brown, blue and red snow. ESPECIALLY not the red snow.

So, I've been thinking of going to a local restaurant and apply for an internship. Since I've gotten. So gosh darn good at waiting. Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahah. *breath* hahahahahahahahhahahahah. Ahhhh...
Get it?

I wonder what napalm smells like. I imagine it'd be something real horrible, like, the stench of rotting eggplants and decaying foetus's combined. I'll probably never actually smell it in my lifetime. Maybe if I find a time machine I'll be able to go back to the Vietnam war and take a big whiff of the air.

I just feel like I'm trying to pass the time lately. Ugh. I hate that. I wanna get started with ANYTHING. BUT I CAN'T. BECAUSE IT'S NOT TIME FOR ANYTHING YET. SO I JUST GOTTA sit around and wait a bit. A bit. A bit. Meh. Longing for the sun to set so I can watch it slowly fall behind that horizon line; just another day going down with it like a bird that's been shotgunned out of the sky. Bakhoom.

So apparently some people died last night cause a tree fell on them from the wind. Damn. What a way to go. It must have been pretty scary for them. I wonder if the moment just before the tree hit the top of their car they were resolute and accepted their fate for what it is. Did their life flash by their mind? I'm sure they would have been able to see the tree as it came down upon them too. Damn. Damn. Wonder what they were thinking. Probably "Oh shit." in whatever language it is they think in. Or maybe they were screaming. Or maybe they didn't say anything, thinking the tree wouldn't hit them in a million years. I'll never know. You'll never know. No one will, really. Hm..

Woops. Didn't think I'd get this morbid. Oh well. I hope I've practiced my piano enough to satisfy my teacher this time. Last lesson she wasn't very happy. Can't say I blame her. I wasn't very happy with myself either. But things just get in the way, you know? Excuses excuses. I've had it up to here with excuses. Up to where? Somewhere between the world we acknowledge as reality and the world where are dreams inhabit. Maybe those are the same worlds. If that's the case, I haven't had it very high. Which is probably good. Because I'm not that fed up with excuses. Excuses make the world go round, right? If everyone was always honest about everything they've ever done, where would we be today? Don't ask me! I ain't no fortune teller. I'll let you know once i find that string theory alternate universe space and time traveller. There'll be one around somewhere. Maybe it's under my bed. Wouldn't that be something.

Yooooooouuu should get out of town too.

Well, if you insist!

The Walls Are Bleeding Maple Syrup, Honey.

It's almost here, you know? The day I'm off living by myself. No more comfort zone, no more friends to see, no more family to talk to, no more nuthin.

And that's okay.

I dunno, I guess I just don't see how bad it can possibly be. Maybe I'll be in for some terrible awakening after my first few days out in the world, but honestly.. I can't see it hurt me. Maybe I'm just being naïve. Who knows?

I think I need to find a hyperbolic time chamber if I'm ever gonna do a whole 6000 dares. And there's not even that much to do in those anyways. It's just completely white nothingness. Haha. I bet very few people will even know what a hyperbolic time chamber is. Oh well.

I've got enough clothes to last me a lifetime now, I think. As long as I don't become hideously obese in the future, I should be A-O-K. It was raining a lot this night. There was also a lot of wind, so much wind in fact that my brother's school has called saying he shouldn't go to school tomorrow. What the hell happened? Was it really that bad? Apparently it was. But I guess I'll never know.

I'm just keeping myself awake now, and I don't even know why. I should really just go to sleep. I'm already lying in bed. I should really just go to sleep. When I close my eyes the world is pretty spinny again. I should really just go to sleep. +°% 「%¤&÷%! *( */)% 「+'% *:+?. ±-* /(-「「 ÷%°%& -÷!%&?*¤÷! #:¤* +μ #&+*+±'. Hehehe. That actually makes sense. Honest! I should really just go to sleep. It's 00:00. I'm just gonna go to sleep now.

Meow, woof woof, cockadoodledoo, whale sound.

Good night.

That Damn Labyrinth.

So I just finished a book about an hour ago that I only started reading last night. I'm pretty happy with myself about that. It wad a good book too. Flowed real nicely. That's the only reason I could have read it so quickly. I'm normally quite a slow reader.

Reading the book was interesting because it solidified some things that I've actually been thinking about recently. I got the book not really knowing what to expect, and it just so happened to brush over sooo many different thoughts and questions I've been asking myself. Haha, I mean, the book didn't exactly answer these questions, but it's nice to have your own questions validated by seeing some random dude has asked the same things, in a way that a lot of people must like. Hmmmm.

It's hard to know when remembering things and people whether or not you're idealising them because they're not around. You forget the bad things and only remember the good. Or vice versa. I guess it's just what people do. It's not like we mentally say to ourselves "okay, This person had no faults and they were completely fantastical and farted rainbows". It's just the way we can subconsciously manipulate our own memories without even noticing. And then you can become stuck in a dream, ya know? Heh.

So my hair feels radioactive right now. It's pretty awesome. The greenest of greens, and it's all over my head. And it's not just from food colouring too, so my hair is actually soft again. Well.. Soft as hair gets when you've bleached it. I don't really have anything to compare it to anusways, so for my standards it's soft haha. Also, I consulted with a highly esteemed hair professor on whether or not hair products contribute to baldness. And you know what? They don't! It's a myth. I ain't going bald, unless it's already been decided by my genetic code, and if that's the case i was doomed from the very beginning anusway. So I may as well enjoy my hair while I still can!

I am invincible. I've been wondering whether or not I am for a while now, but, yes. It's true. We're invincible for as long as we believe we're invincible.