Hah.
So this is just one of those nights where the floodgates have opened in my head, and it seems Im just incapable of sleeping.
Fine, fine.
I accept.
Wednesday, 31 October 2012
Feelings
I've been thinking a lot lately, about feelings. About, how I feel. About, how she feels. About, how everyone else must feel too. And, I've come to the conclusion, that lot's of people, feel different things.
No shit, right? But, I think, I've also come to terms, with feeling like it's okay to feel certain ways. Which is why, I think it's just really necessary, to let you all know, how I feel, because, I have definitely accepted it now, for what it truly is.
Pure.
Complete.
Utter.
HATRED.
I FUCKING HATE YOU.
EVERYTHING YOU ARE
AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR.
IF I COULD HATE ONE PERSON, WHICH I REALLY ONLY DO, IT WOULD BE YOU.
THAT'S RIGHT, I HATE YOU. TOTALLY, 100% FEEL LIKE YOU ARE THE ONE THAT I HATE THE MOST OUT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD. SCREW EVERYONE ELSE. ACTUALLY, NO, SCREW YOU! YOU FUCKFACE! HAAAH.
Ahhhh.. That feels.. So much better. Am I over reacting? Nah, you deserve it. Oh, by "you", I probably don't mean "you", reading this, right now. Because, as far as I'm aware, the person who I hate, does not know about this. Which kind of defeats the whole purpose of this post. But screw it! Sometimes, I feel angry and frustrated, and I like to write it down on an internet format for WHOEVER THE FUCK WANTS TO SEE IT. Why? Cause I'm an attention seeking little brat of course.
Hahah only joking.
About the last part I mean. There is no self deprecation here. No way. Just deprecation on this one guy. One steaming pile of deprecation. Although none of it could really equal the sheer amounts of shit this guy spews on a daily basis.
Haaaaaahhahahah. Okay, I'm done now. Also, I finished a song about it too. Is it bad, is it good, who knows, all I can see is red. But that just might be from the red lines under all my laughing.
No shit, right? But, I think, I've also come to terms, with feeling like it's okay to feel certain ways. Which is why, I think it's just really necessary, to let you all know, how I feel, because, I have definitely accepted it now, for what it truly is.
Pure.
Complete.
Utter.
HATRED.
I FUCKING HATE YOU.
EVERYTHING YOU ARE
AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR.
IF I COULD HATE ONE PERSON, WHICH I REALLY ONLY DO, IT WOULD BE YOU.
THAT'S RIGHT, I HATE YOU. TOTALLY, 100% FEEL LIKE YOU ARE THE ONE THAT I HATE THE MOST OUT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD. SCREW EVERYONE ELSE. ACTUALLY, NO, SCREW YOU! YOU FUCKFACE! HAAAH.
Ahhhh.. That feels.. So much better. Am I over reacting? Nah, you deserve it. Oh, by "you", I probably don't mean "you", reading this, right now. Because, as far as I'm aware, the person who I hate, does not know about this. Which kind of defeats the whole purpose of this post. But screw it! Sometimes, I feel angry and frustrated, and I like to write it down on an internet format for WHOEVER THE FUCK WANTS TO SEE IT. Why? Cause I'm an attention seeking little brat of course.
Hahah only joking.
About the last part I mean. There is no self deprecation here. No way. Just deprecation on this one guy. One steaming pile of deprecation. Although none of it could really equal the sheer amounts of shit this guy spews on a daily basis.
Haaaaaahhahahah. Okay, I'm done now. Also, I finished a song about it too. Is it bad, is it good, who knows, all I can see is red. But that just might be from the red lines under all my laughing.
Sunday, 28 October 2012
HFB V.2
Oh yeah this has been eating up at me for a while. I got a revised version of Happy fuckin' Birthday. I think it's a lot better cause the vocals aren't all echo-y. The other version (that you've probably never heard anyway) has been deleted, and this new one is up now.
So yeah! Here's the link:
Link to Happy Fuckin' Birthday
Personally this is one of my favourite songs that I've ever done. Rudy seems to think it lacks structure. But I swear! It totally doesn't! Just listen to it and tell me what ya think.
As always, comments, critiques, trolls and ice cream, all is welcome.
So yeah! Here's the link:
Link to Happy Fuckin' Birthday
Personally this is one of my favourite songs that I've ever done. Rudy seems to think it lacks structure. But I swear! It totally doesn't! Just listen to it and tell me what ya think.
As always, comments, critiques, trolls and ice cream, all is welcome.
Grinder
So here we go, back to the old grind. School is tomorrow. The half term went by in the blink of an eye. And now the week of HELL is fast approaching.
But ya know, maybe it won't really be so bad? There's only one way to find out, and that's to just do it. I fucked around a lot during the half term, so I didn't exactly do as much work as I really should have. Fine! That's alright. That was my choice and I'll deal with any consequences when they arise.
Overall I think this half term break went pretty great though. Perhaps even really great! Yeeeaaah. It just felt good I think to break away from the usual cycle of a school time table I think. Not to mention there was lots of talking to. Plenty of laughs. Bein' responsible as well. And it really made me realise that there is DEFINITELY more to life than school. It's just.. During school time, that feeling kind of disappears. But I've just gotta remember, that no matter what it'll always work out one way or another.
Hahahahahah. God. That is so optimistic. What's wrong with me? How can I possibly be happy!? I've got a Math IA draft due tomorrow, CAS stuff that I really need to sort out, ToK topic that I still need to find, 120 words Spanish essay about healthy eating (woopsies, forgot about that one), and, oh, yeah, THE ENGLISH IOC EXACTLY A WEEK FROM NOW.
It's all cool though. I feel totally calm. In a raging sea kind of way. My insides are kind of swirling around as I type this, but then at the same time, my head feels totally calm. Hahah conflicting sides. Normally my head is the one that's worried, not my stomach. Hmm, maybe that's just indigestion. Regardless! Whatever happens happens. So, uh, yeah. Let's make it happen then!
On a side note, I also recorded another song today. I won't put it up yet, because it's actually part of a two-parter. This one that I finished today is called Spineless. But I'll talk about it later once I finished recording the other side to it, which is called Fuck You. Hahaha. I just made up that title. Although I suppose it does kind of fit the essence of that song. It was originally called "We're Through", but, hey, I think "Fuck You" has a nicer ring to it. Great! Thanks blog! You always help me!
But ya know, maybe it won't really be so bad? There's only one way to find out, and that's to just do it. I fucked around a lot during the half term, so I didn't exactly do as much work as I really should have. Fine! That's alright. That was my choice and I'll deal with any consequences when they arise.
Overall I think this half term break went pretty great though. Perhaps even really great! Yeeeaaah. It just felt good I think to break away from the usual cycle of a school time table I think. Not to mention there was lots of talking to. Plenty of laughs. Bein' responsible as well. And it really made me realise that there is DEFINITELY more to life than school. It's just.. During school time, that feeling kind of disappears. But I've just gotta remember, that no matter what it'll always work out one way or another.
Hahahahahah. God. That is so optimistic. What's wrong with me? How can I possibly be happy!? I've got a Math IA draft due tomorrow, CAS stuff that I really need to sort out, ToK topic that I still need to find, 120 words Spanish essay about healthy eating (woopsies, forgot about that one), and, oh, yeah, THE ENGLISH IOC EXACTLY A WEEK FROM NOW.
It's all cool though. I feel totally calm. In a raging sea kind of way. My insides are kind of swirling around as I type this, but then at the same time, my head feels totally calm. Hahah conflicting sides. Normally my head is the one that's worried, not my stomach. Hmm, maybe that's just indigestion. Regardless! Whatever happens happens. So, uh, yeah. Let's make it happen then!
On a side note, I also recorded another song today. I won't put it up yet, because it's actually part of a two-parter. This one that I finished today is called Spineless. But I'll talk about it later once I finished recording the other side to it, which is called Fuck You. Hahaha. I just made up that title. Although I suppose it does kind of fit the essence of that song. It was originally called "We're Through", but, hey, I think "Fuck You" has a nicer ring to it. Great! Thanks blog! You always help me!
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
BRAIN TRANSPLANT 2
HERE IT IS! MY DEMO OF BRAIN TRANSPLANT! NON-ACOUSTIC!
I have to add that this is the most time I've ever taken at making a drum track. So, ya know, try and appreciate that. To be perfectly honest I'm very happy with how this demo turned out. I only wish I could add a bass. That's the only thing it's lacking ; a backbone. But for now, it is what it is, and I like it.
Maybe you'll like it too. Here it is:
Brain Transplant Download
Thoughts, praise, criticism, pizza, all is appreciated.
I have to add that this is the most time I've ever taken at making a drum track. So, ya know, try and appreciate that. To be perfectly honest I'm very happy with how this demo turned out. I only wish I could add a bass. That's the only thing it's lacking ; a backbone. But for now, it is what it is, and I like it.
Maybe you'll like it too. Here it is:
Brain Transplant Download
Thoughts, praise, criticism, pizza, all is appreciated.
Monday, 22 October 2012
Pinkerton
Ahh Pinkerton. I forgot why you're my favourite album of all time. Luckily I'm listening to you now I'm reminded of how fucking awesome you are. I think it's the fact it's so raw. Like, I know it is obviously produced, but done in a way that makes it sound like everything was done in the moment, in one take. Like it's a perfect snapshot of the energy at the time. I hope to one day produce an album with that kind of rawness.
I woke up to "Why Bother" today, and I think that's what subliminally got me interested in you again. You're so cool. How can one thing possibly hold so much awesome? And it's like every time I see you, I find more things that make you awesome. So it's just constantly building up. But then it gets to the point where my list of adjectives is not able to do justice to the sheer amazingness of you.
Ooh, "The Good Life" is on now. Me and this songs have some good memories. That's the first song I played with Joo and Hayley. The precursor to Half an Hour Late. Granted it was only for a grade, but it was fun. And the words ring pretty true too. It makes me kinda regretful that we aren't playing it any more and it's not even in our repertoire. But that's what happens I guess. Wouldn't mind playing it again though once I get outta here. I mean, I wouldn't mind playing it while I'm still here.
ELLLLLL SCCOOOOCHHOOOOO!!!! This has to be my favourite song out of the whole album. Something about it. I've been told it's boring though. hee hee. I don't mind. I'd rather be boring and like this song than interesting.
It's true. I'm dumb, she's a lesbian! I thought I had found the one! We were good as married in my mind! But married in my mind's no good... Greeaat chorus. I feel bad for Rivers though. If this really did happen to him like he says it did. Shit. Let me know the truth. Please.
I wonder what it's like to play a cello? I bet it's really difficult. OH BABY I'M AFRAID I'M FALLING FOR YOU. Wooooaah, where'd that come from? The song Falling For You obviously. Duuuh. I'm sorry for what I did. I did what my body told me to.
Hhhh, you know what I hate the most though? It's only 10 songs long. Just as it begins, it's over. I wanna get to know you more, but there's just no time it seems. But we can make time. I can make time. That's why there's an extra 10 tracks or so with demos and radio versions of the singles. I don't think time is really an issue here. But then what is it? Maybe it's cause half the songs are repeats. Sure they're "live" or "radio-remixes" but they're still essentially the same. But you know what? I think a healthy relationship has repeats in it. Repetition means you're just knowing each other better and better.
Wow, it's like I'm not even talking about Pinkerton any more.
But I am!
I woke up to "Why Bother" today, and I think that's what subliminally got me interested in you again. You're so cool. How can one thing possibly hold so much awesome? And it's like every time I see you, I find more things that make you awesome. So it's just constantly building up. But then it gets to the point where my list of adjectives is not able to do justice to the sheer amazingness of you.
Ooh, "The Good Life" is on now. Me and this songs have some good memories. That's the first song I played with Joo and Hayley. The precursor to Half an Hour Late. Granted it was only for a grade, but it was fun. And the words ring pretty true too. It makes me kinda regretful that we aren't playing it any more and it's not even in our repertoire. But that's what happens I guess. Wouldn't mind playing it again though once I get outta here. I mean, I wouldn't mind playing it while I'm still here.
ELLLLLL SCCOOOOCHHOOOOO!!!! This has to be my favourite song out of the whole album. Something about it. I've been told it's boring though. hee hee. I don't mind. I'd rather be boring and like this song than interesting.
It's true. I'm dumb, she's a lesbian! I thought I had found the one! We were good as married in my mind! But married in my mind's no good... Greeaat chorus. I feel bad for Rivers though. If this really did happen to him like he says it did. Shit. Let me know the truth. Please.
I wonder what it's like to play a cello? I bet it's really difficult. OH BABY I'M AFRAID I'M FALLING FOR YOU. Wooooaah, where'd that come from? The song Falling For You obviously. Duuuh. I'm sorry for what I did. I did what my body told me to.
Hhhh, you know what I hate the most though? It's only 10 songs long. Just as it begins, it's over. I wanna get to know you more, but there's just no time it seems. But we can make time. I can make time. That's why there's an extra 10 tracks or so with demos and radio versions of the singles. I don't think time is really an issue here. But then what is it? Maybe it's cause half the songs are repeats. Sure they're "live" or "radio-remixes" but they're still essentially the same. But you know what? I think a healthy relationship has repeats in it. Repetition means you're just knowing each other better and better.
Wow, it's like I'm not even talking about Pinkerton any more.
But I am!
Sunday, 21 October 2012
Long Road
Hey, so guess what? This is my 80th post. Not a bad number I think.
I'm gonna try and get to 100 posts by the end of the year. Looking at my track record, that seems preeetty likely. Unless NOTHING interesting happens from now until 2013. But I doubt that! Stuff happens all the time around here. So much stuff.
I've been getting headaches lately, pretty much on a nightly basis. The interesting part, I think anyway, is that the pain is always on different parts of my head. Like, last night, it was at the back, on my left side. So that would be around my temporal lobe I suppose? Which doesn't make a lot of sense, because that's where language is processed, but hey, who knows. Maybe it's cause I was trying to think in spanish? Right now I'm feeling it in the front right half. So that's around the frontal lobe I think. That's in charge of planning, so I guess that makes some sense, since I'm kind of worried about tomorrow, and I've been trying to plan what's gonna happen.
Yeah, tomorrow I'll be working with some kids who are vision impaired. I'm looking forward to it cause I get to teach them music, and I think it'll be really fun. But.. I dunno, I think it's just the thought of having to work with people. And people are so unpredictable. Especially ones that I've never met before. So, it's hard for me to wrap my head around what to expect, how it'll go, stuff like that. I probably shouldn't be anxious about it, but I am. But that's okay, just gonna take it all in my stride. One step at a time.
Speaking of steps, that leads onto the title. Long Road. It's been a pretty long road I think. What has you ask? Well, just the past year and a half I suppose. From the start of IB till now. A lot has happened. A lot more good than bad, which is great. But yeah. When I try and think back to the very beginning, I actually find it kinda hard. It feels so far back, it's like, if I were to literally look back down the road, I'd be able to see a vague outline of what happened, but the specific details (not all though), are pretty much faded. Hidden behind the smog. It makes me wonder if I've really learnt anything, or if I've just gone with the flow so much that I've let it drift me away to places I didn't even realise.
Either way though, it doesn't really matter. It's half term now, and that's what I can be happy about. Woohoo! I know there's a lot of people who were pretty reluctant about this, since it's not technically a *holiday* cause we've got so much work to prepare for, that's so important. But still! At least we're not in school. I'm thankful there's a week away from it. I just realised I'm almost up to my 5th year here. That's a pretty long time. Is that why I'm going slightly stir crazy? Perhaps. Peeeerhhaaaaapppssss.
Sleeeeeppyy. You're getting moooooore and moooooore sleeeeppy. Not cause this is really boring. But because you are being hypnotized. HaHA! Only kidding. You're not being hypnotized. Yet. Once I sort out the kinks, I think hypnotism could be really fun. If it even works. Still need to find a test subject who actually WANTS to be hypnotized. Ooooone daaay, ooooone daaaay.
Speaking of one day. This particular day, was a lot of fun. I enjoyed it. It was enjoyable. I think I'm getting pretty good at talking. If I do say so myself. Which I do. Heeeh.
Now then, time to eat some oreos. Sweet, sweet, delectable oroes. Oh how you complete me.
loljk.
UGH! That's another thing! I've gotten into the horrible habit of writing "lol". I mean, I really do only type it when I'm laughing out loud, but still. I used to hate it! In my old blog, I made a whole rant about it! Whatever happened to standards? They're all but disintegrated now. Ahhhhh weeeell. lol.
I'm gonna try and get to 100 posts by the end of the year. Looking at my track record, that seems preeetty likely. Unless NOTHING interesting happens from now until 2013. But I doubt that! Stuff happens all the time around here. So much stuff.
I've been getting headaches lately, pretty much on a nightly basis. The interesting part, I think anyway, is that the pain is always on different parts of my head. Like, last night, it was at the back, on my left side. So that would be around my temporal lobe I suppose? Which doesn't make a lot of sense, because that's where language is processed, but hey, who knows. Maybe it's cause I was trying to think in spanish? Right now I'm feeling it in the front right half. So that's around the frontal lobe I think. That's in charge of planning, so I guess that makes some sense, since I'm kind of worried about tomorrow, and I've been trying to plan what's gonna happen.
Yeah, tomorrow I'll be working with some kids who are vision impaired. I'm looking forward to it cause I get to teach them music, and I think it'll be really fun. But.. I dunno, I think it's just the thought of having to work with people. And people are so unpredictable. Especially ones that I've never met before. So, it's hard for me to wrap my head around what to expect, how it'll go, stuff like that. I probably shouldn't be anxious about it, but I am. But that's okay, just gonna take it all in my stride. One step at a time.
Speaking of steps, that leads onto the title. Long Road. It's been a pretty long road I think. What has you ask? Well, just the past year and a half I suppose. From the start of IB till now. A lot has happened. A lot more good than bad, which is great. But yeah. When I try and think back to the very beginning, I actually find it kinda hard. It feels so far back, it's like, if I were to literally look back down the road, I'd be able to see a vague outline of what happened, but the specific details (not all though), are pretty much faded. Hidden behind the smog. It makes me wonder if I've really learnt anything, or if I've just gone with the flow so much that I've let it drift me away to places I didn't even realise.
Either way though, it doesn't really matter. It's half term now, and that's what I can be happy about. Woohoo! I know there's a lot of people who were pretty reluctant about this, since it's not technically a *holiday* cause we've got so much work to prepare for, that's so important. But still! At least we're not in school. I'm thankful there's a week away from it. I just realised I'm almost up to my 5th year here. That's a pretty long time. Is that why I'm going slightly stir crazy? Perhaps. Peeeerhhaaaaapppssss.
Sleeeeeppyy. You're getting moooooore and moooooore sleeeeppy. Not cause this is really boring. But because you are being hypnotized. HaHA! Only kidding. You're not being hypnotized. Yet. Once I sort out the kinks, I think hypnotism could be really fun. If it even works. Still need to find a test subject who actually WANTS to be hypnotized. Ooooone daaay, ooooone daaaay.
Speaking of one day. This particular day, was a lot of fun. I enjoyed it. It was enjoyable. I think I'm getting pretty good at talking. If I do say so myself. Which I do. Heeeh.
Now then, time to eat some oreos. Sweet, sweet, delectable oroes. Oh how you complete me.
loljk.
UGH! That's another thing! I've gotten into the horrible habit of writing "lol". I mean, I really do only type it when I'm laughing out loud, but still. I used to hate it! In my old blog, I made a whole rant about it! Whatever happened to standards? They're all but disintegrated now. Ahhhhh weeeell. lol.
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