Sick

Hello again. Well well well, look who's some how sick again. That's right. It's me. Seems to be a new trend. Every Friday must be my sick day. Quite a shame really because I don't particularly mind Fridays. Then again I do mind them when I have to have a splitting headache every single one. But it's not so bad. Oh, oh, today, I felt like throwing up. Aaaalll day. Rather horrible. But it's not the end if the world. So apparently my singing has now become good enough To be worth paying for. Apparently.. Well that's what some little girls said anyway. Oh but one of them is normally a real stuck up little princess who thinks she's better than everyone else. In fact once, she told me to just give up on all my dreams. Forever. Hahahahah. Glad I didn't listen to her. Cause now she thinks I'm not half bad. Win for me, I'd say! Hah, oh yeah, I just remembered how I tried to Write a rock opera last year. Boy, wasn't that a shocker. Maybe I was just a bit too ambitious. It was basically based on feeling sick and just all around like shit inside. Nice theme right? Maybe one day, I'll actually finish it. But until then I think I'll just continue writing about classic unrequited love and general confusion for the world around me. I was asked to never change today. That made me feel quite good. Well goodbye then. These disjointed thoughts have gone on long enough! Skadoosh.

Nobreath

Doyouknowwhatitsliketolovesomeonewhosuddenlywantsnothingtodowithyou?It'sliterallyemotionallycrushing.It'slikeeverything'sbacktohowitwasaboutayearago.Stunnedsilenceandlossofwordsandtheonlytimeweeverevenreallytalkisonlineandeventhenit'snotlikeit'sthesame.Prettymuchalloflastweekitfeltlikewheneveriwasnearyouyoujustwentblankanddidn'tevenwannasay"hi".Buthenwhenileftyouseemedtotallynormalaroundeverybodyelse.Itwouldn'treallyhurtasmuchifthingswerealwayslikethis,butjustlasttermwewerereallystartingtobecomesuchgoodfriends.It'sprettysillynow,sinceIthoughtitwouldjustbegoinguphillforus.Ohhhh,howIwaswrong.For4daysIwasincrediblyconfusedonthewholematter,butwhenyoutoldmethereasonwascauseyouwerejustlookingforbalancebetweenfriends,Iunderstood.WellatleastIthoughtIdid..Apparentlybalancemeanstryingtocutmeoutalltogether.Imeanit'snotlikeI'mblamingyouoranything,you'vegotyourreasonsforwhatyoudo.Butitjusthurtwhenyoudididn'tevensaybyetomeafterIwaitedafterschoolonfridayforyouforaboutanhour,onlytofindoutyoudidn'tevenneedmetowait.Alright,thatismyfault.ButIstillwouldhavelikedtosaybye.That'snotsobad,right?Ijustmissyou,that'sall.HehI'dsatthistoyourfacebuti'mafraiditmightjustmakeingsevenmorebadbetweenus.Andthat'sthelastthingIwannado!TheonlyreasonI'mventingitouthereiscauseIknowyou'dneverreadit.Prooobablycauseyoudon'tevenknowaboutthisblog.Thankgoodnessforthat!ActuallyI'mprettysureJyenistheonlyonewhoreadsthisanyways,andI'mfinewiththat.So,I'llmakeanicepersonalmessageattheendwithspaces,soit'seasiertoreadthanallthiscrap!Andifyouactuallydidreadallthiswhining,sorryit'ssolong..:P Happy Chinese New Year Jyen!! :D Yeeeeaah!

Doubtful

I seem to be doing a new post EVERY DAY NOW!

Whittled away till my eyes are glazed
too fuckin' worried, about the next day.
Sinking in my wheelchair way to low
roll me away till I'm gray and old.

Scared of Rejection but to busy to care
Sick and tired of what's not and is fair.

Pepper up my nose but I just can't sneeze
Insecurity, is a fickle thing.
Pushed so hard till I think it'll go but
look at that it's just ready for more.

Cars roaming down a dead end street,
the street in my mind known as apathy.

Ahhhhhhhh
such memories.

This was my first song I properly wrote down.
Maybe once I finally get my recording stuff fixed up
I'll be able to put it on.

That'll be cool.

Holy shit I'm either really hungry
or dying.

The Procrastinating Prokaryote

This is the tale of a young single celled organism that just couldn't be bothered to do anything.

It used to be such a happy cell.
Swimming around doing everything it's DNA told it to do.

But then, one day, the little prokaryote bumped into a tricky topoisomerase enzyme, which totally changed the prokaryote's way of life!

Now, instead of swimming around, eating and growing, all the prokaryote wanted to do was waste its time procrastinating!!

This would have made its mother very sad, if it had one. But as Prokaryotic cells simply divide themselves, its mother was really its sister, and from there it just gets very confusing.

But nonetheless, the hours passed. The prokaryotic cell watched as its sister became its nephews, and its nephews became its great-nephews, and eventually, the prokaryotic cell had realized that its whole world had changed.

As everyone seemed to be moving on with their lives, the prokaryote was just standing still. Why little prokaryote? Why don't you want to move?

And then, all of a sudden, a miracle happened.

A sudden wave of radiation poured over the prokaryote's entire home!!!

Everything seemed normal at first after the initial wave. But something felt strangely different.
Yes!
The prokaryote had mutated from the interaction with the radiation, and was finally reprogrammed to move again!!
Surely this was a wondrous occasion!

However, all was not candy and sunshine.

The radiation had turned the prokaryote into a vicious, prokaryotic eating machine!!
DUN DUN DAAH!

The prokaryote started to move around, finding its prokaryotic siblings..
And just as it got close.
KA-SNAP!
The little prokaryote took a big munch and totally absorbed it.

After a few minutes, the little prokaryote was no longer little.
It had managed to devour its whole strange uprooted family tree, and was now dividing for itself.

In no time at all, the whole universe was covered in cannibalistic prokaryotes, all living to eat each other. The fight for survival grew grim and deadly.

But among all the  panic and confusion, hope was to be found!
A true predecessor of the original prokaryote had finally emerged!
A strange enzymatical screw up had caused one cell to be normal again, and no longer a cannibal.

However, the only problem was that this new little prokaryote procrastinated quite a bit.

And so it never really got around to saving the universe.

THHHEEEEEE EEEEEENNND!!!!

Blast Off!

Ding ding!
I just realized
I'm a really boring person.
No wonder it's so hard for most other people
To drag out a conversation with me.
It must be painful.

Anyways
Wouldn't it be nice
To finally go on that adventure to the stars?
A song has been stuck in my head for a while now.
It just so happens to be called Blast Off!
It's by weezer and it's practically impossible to actually hear a proper full studio recording of it...
So the only part that's really stuck in my head is the first few lines.
But still.

It seems lately I've become
A lot more apathetic towards trivial stuff I see no purpose in for my future.
For instance, I'm really sick of maths.
I don't mind if I learn something I might be able to use
But when am I ever going to need to graph a quadratic equation? NEVER.
ugh see?
I'm boring myself already.

I've been getting headaches lately.
But I think that's just cause I'm kinda sick.
Although I'm a lot better now!

My aircon is broken in my room
So I'm really hot right now.

I have an English essay
That I am yet again going to do
The day before it's due.
I really didn't want to do that this time.
But
Something in my head has just prevented me from doing shit all.
It's really pissing me off.
I never used to be like this ya know.
I used to be really motivated, committed, everything!
But now look at me.

I can't even sit still long enough to write 2 pages of work.

But all in all life's not so bad, right?
Yeah, right.
I've just gotten into the habit of blowing things out of proportion.
And writing really long and boring blog posts.

Good night.

Loco

Alright, here it is.

I've been able to boil down the two parts of my mind that seem to be making me crazy.
Basically, there's two polar opposites in my head at war.

One side is sure that if I stick it out long enough, the love of my dreams will feel the same way eventually, if I keep going the way I am.

The other side of me thinks that's complete nonsense. It also thinks I should just forget about her. Not entirely, of course. I still want to be friends, yes, but just, maybe I need to just abandon any other kind of feeling for her.

The second thought seems to make the most sense. I mean, she has already rejected me about 3 times. The last time she even told me flat out that she has no feeling whatsoever for me.

But then I figure, it's been a while, ya know? Plus we're even closer now then we were back then. Haha before, I couldn't even talk properly to her without either messing up my words or just being too quiet.. Stunned by her total awesomeness.

Ah but we've only just become better friends. Plus she already is ENGAGED. To who else but my best friend. Haa, so cliché, I know. But it wouldn't be a cliché if it never happened to anyone. When they became properly serious I knew it was best to leave them alone. I didn't wanna ruin anything for them. But just recently, I found out that he practically cheated on her! How could he do that!? So what if he's far away. I just don't get it. The coolest girl in the world likes him, and he goes and does something like that.

So now I'm stuck with whether or not I should tell her..
He said that he's already told her about it, and that she was fine. But I just don't know if that's really the case.. I mean, unless they just aren't exclusive with each other. And so if that's the case, then I shouldn't feel so guilty about my feelings for her.

Now to be honest, I've felt something special for her since about year 9. It's just this different feeling, ya know? I have had girlfriends before, since year 9, just kind of looking for this same feeling.. But it's always different. I've read somewhere that it's dangerous going through actions just based on feelings. I've kind of learned that that's true.

But nothing bad has ever really happened between us. She's so low stress to be around. And I've actually known her for more than a couple of months, unlike my previous relationships, where I just basically dived in there... But I've known her for pretty much 4 years now, and the way I've felt still hasn't changed. In fact, I'm sure it's gotten even stronger from getting to know her even better. God, that's cheesy.

Alright so now I'm hoping this is so long that no one will ever read this. I just really needed to vent, and I doubt anyone would want to hear this. I mean, she's normally the person I tell stuff to now, so it'd be prreeeetty awkward to just tell her all this.. But then again I guess I'll never know. But I think I've decided to stick this through now. No giving up! Unless she just rejects me again. Then I'd probably just break down and cry.

Hahahahah only kidding. I wouldn't do that..... Maybe it's not so bad just being friends though? I'm happy with the way things are. That's what I'm scared of the most. What if I ruin a friendship worth 4 years? Besides her "fiancé", she's my best friend.

Enlightened

I just realised something.

New Year's Resolutions are for people who give a shit.
I forgot that I didn't.
Sorry blog!
I didn't mean to change so much!
I promise to turn back into what I used to be!

Hah, naah
why would I do that?
I'm not sorry for anything.
Not for changing
not for skipping school
not for loving her
NOTHING!!

Ahh, that feels so much better.

Not really.
I feel exactly the same.
I especially don't feel enlightened.
My posts name is a lie.
Or is it?
Maybe this realisation that I'm not sorry
IS my enlightenment?

Meh, who cares.
Not me! :D

SEE YA NEXT TIME BLOG!
CAN'T WAIT TO SHAVE!