Langking Around

Finally!!! The trip I've been waiting for for what feels like a very long time now, is about to officially begin in less than an hour and a half!

WAAAHOOO!

In case you couldn't tell, I'm quite excited. I'll try to actually take some pictures on my own camera too, so that there's memories for me to keep.

Aaaaallllright then, guess it's time to get ready now. I Kinda doubt there'll be internet where we're staying, which frankly is a good thing I think. But then I won't be writing on this anytime soon. That means there's a good chance I might forget this even exists by the time I come back. Hmmm...

Well, see you sometime!

I know it's sad that I never gave a damn about the weather, and it never gave a damn about me.

So, this is it. The end of my high school career.

THANK FUCK!!

Now now, let's not get too hasty.

Too true! Let's not blast it all to hell just yet, alright? Let's reflect. You like doing that, right?

I suppose I do. :)

Lol. Weirdo.

So... I think music went pretty well over all. I stuck to my formula of one A4 side per essay. That meant I finished an entire answer booklet! Never thought I would actually do that. But hey, I sure did it. I've also shaved now.

THANK FUCK!

THANK FUCK!

Yeah, it feels pretty good. I'm glad that I finally got rid of that terrible scourge on my face. Well. Okay. Let's be fair about this. There was a period when it felt really itchy, annoying, and ugh. But, I actually got pretty used to it. But this does feel much better, being cleanly shaved. I probably won't let it get that bad ever again. Until I'm some wise old man who feels the only way I'll ever actually feel wise is if I have a beard. We all know that's going to happen.

I'm actually using my laptop now. Hooray! No need to use my phone and make gigantic paragraphs.

Lahdidee, not like the quality of what you're writing would improve anyway.

Hey... That's not fair. It's not about quality anyway. It's about making a shit ton of quantity.

ACTUALLY, it's not about either. God. You'd think I know that already, huh? But nope. Guess not. Hmm, I feel the ground underneath me shaking from my music. I can feel the vibrations. It's probably too loud. But.. It just feels good. Melt me in a wave of sound. Please. I like this. It's like the music that's constantly playing in my head is finally let free via my speaker to explore the world. Glooooooooooooooria, viva la Glooooooooooooooria. That's nice. Feeling your voice box vibrate like that on a long note that you can actually hit comfortably. Haha, I remember when I first decided I wanna get good at singing, I couldn't even get CLOSE to the note. Well, I thought I did. But I quickly learned I was tone deaf. But that's pretty much fixed now. I can do it note for note. Ahhh. Feels good. Hahah, not that I'm trying to sound like I'm showing off or anything...

It's probably not that impressive anyway.

I really gotta stop doing that. All that second guessing. But, it's a defense mechanism. Don't wanna go walking down a dark alley blinder than a baked croissant on thanks giving. Okay I'm getting bored now.

UURRGGHHHHHHHH. I'm only doing this cause there's nothing else to do. Parents already left for dinner, so I just gotta wait for them to get back. Wait like a dog. A damn mut. Woof woof.

But to be perfectly frank, mr Shank, I don't really mind all that much. Solitude is a good thing. I don't what I'd do anyway even if I was out somewhere. Songs of yesterday live in the underground. I really hope I get accepted to be honest... I know I've said that I don't really care, and wouldn't mind a gap year. But I don't know if I'd be able to take the rejection. It's hard, when you put your all into something, just to be shot down. Ah well. Whatever happens, happens. Woof. Woof.

Okay okay okay. It's getting really dark now. In my room, I mean. I forgot to turn any lights on when I started writing, and with this new tint on the windows, the world outside my window looks even darker than it probably is. The tint is to stop it getting hot in the afternoon and melting me. I guess that's a good thing.

It is a good thing.

I'm going now.

Good-by.

See you.

Later.

One day.

Probably in a month.

Or tomorrow.

Or never.

Or forever.

Or until I forget about you. I'm sure that will be the most likely thing that happens. Things just, slip past my mind. There one day, gone the next. And I'm none the wiser. How am I supposed to know I forgot something? Eh.. I forget.

Oh right, I'm meant to be leaving now.

BYE!

Parasitic Enzymes Keep me Sleeping with your lantern.

So this huge trucking fuck drove by me as I was walking down the street from hell, and kicked up a bunch of dirt and sand into my already shitty eyes. That felt almost as refreshing as a punch in the gut followed by a common pissing on by a passing bum. But, you know what happened? Ad I was walking down the flower bed in the middle of the street towards the bus stop, Jesus drove by on his little mo-ped. He smiled at me, kind of while chuckling at something I assume he thought was funny in his head. We gave each other a reassuring nod, and then he was gone. It then occurred to me that I will probably never see him again. That's okay I guess, he was quite insignificant in my life in this hole. But, he was still a part of the 4 years of pushing posies and tripping over myself. So in short I guess it's hit me that I'm not gonna be seeing a majority of the people I've met. Don't take this for sadness though. It's more just an observation. I don't think it would be fair to say I'm gonna try and move on with my life now and never look back, because some things are worth looking back on. Damn. Pretty. Odd. Is a Damn good album. Uh, anyways. It was so hot today. Well, it is so hot today, rather. It's the greatest thing that's said to have happened. Imagine, knowing me! Ahh. There's just something about this album. I can't find a single thing to criticise. And it's not a cheap 10 song one either, there's like, 18 tracks or something! That's intense! It's a journey. But you'll never know when you arrive at the end until you're there. My mustache is getting quite furry now. I'm looking forward to shaving tomorrow. As soon as I come home from my final exam, that's what I'm gonna do. Fuck everything else. I think the piano knows something I don't know. Maybe that's why I can't get away from it. I must unlock it's deep dark secrets. Hah. Naah. It's just an inanimate object. Just like that street sign over there. It doesn't have feelings. As far as I know. The only thing separating me from it is a layer of dark matter. Dark matter is everywhere. You'll never touch anyone because of it. Isn't that sad? We're all born into the world perpetually alone in our own shell of dark matter. We live and die never touching anyone or anything. We're tricked into thinking we are making contact by our minds, but it's all just an illusion. On reflecting on that, it's not really that sad. Illusion or not, we still feel like we make connections to people and things, so what's the difference. Finally. I'm almost home. Good-by. There's still more I would like to say, but I really must bid you adieu. Adieu.

Put 'er there, pal.

Hey there. It's been a while, no? I've meant to write to you sooner, but with my computer still broken, it's not as fun writing on my phone. But. Just gotta make do.

Seems my eyesight is kind of continuously getting worse as the days go by. People's faces 20 feet away from me look like blurry smudges until I stand really still and focus my eyes to adjust to the distance. I don't remember ever having to do that before... It's probably what's causing my headaches that I get every now and then. Ah well. Perhaps it's also correlating to this sudden spike in my piano playing abilities. I'm finding that really enjoyable lately. Just improvising mostly, making up chord progressions and figuring out how to coordinate a melody on the opposite hand. It's pretty tough sometimes, but when it works out, Damn.. It feels good.

Oh oh, the Sunnyboys are playing now! Yuss. "Let You Go". I love this kind of stuff. Haha, you know what? Today I was practicing guitar, and I actually CHOSE to play Impossible Germany for practice. Hahah, Wilco has really grown on me. That band is great. Another band that's grown on me is The Petshopboys. Heh, I just realized two outta three of the bands I've mentioned have boys in their name. Huh.. Time, time, time.

If you had to give up either vision or hearing, what would you choose? I don't know what I'd pick. I mean, music is great and all, but nothing can replace seeing things either.. And since music is so mathematical, I could still probably compose if I figured out and learnt all the right formulas. I dunno. It's a tough question. What would you pick? Who am I even asking? Whoever bothers commenting I guess? Okay.

Hurrrr, Velvet Revolver is playing now. I really like them too. But, eh, skip. I want to be the boy to warm your mother's heart! White Stripes. No? No. Didn't think so. This is a nice song. Hahaha. I think every song on my phone is nice I think... Well. Some things I kinda regret putting them on I guess, like the whole 80 song long soundtrack for portal 2. I still haven't listened to every piece, but.. I don't think I'll ever get around to that. Some pieces are nice, but all the ones I like are the ones at the very end of the third album haha. Ah. Modest Mouse. Thank you Modest Mouse. You're able to perfectly encapsulate so many of my moods and feelings. Lonesome Crowded West especially. Damn good album, the whole thing. So glad I found them for this whole year 13. I think things would be a lot different if I didn't hear some of their songs. I'd probably be a lot less broody in my head.. Ahaha. I dunno. I wanna shake Isaac Brock's hand one day. I'm sure I'll meet him, assuming he doesn't die before that day. Life's a race.

Alrighty then. I'm just mumbling now. Goodnight!

Er.rar

So, Ive decided to go about fixing my computer the man's way. BLOWING IT UP. From the inside anyway. It's time to move on from ubuntu cause that's failed me. Can't believe it would crash in the middle of a system update... Oh well. Enter Gentoo. This will be my new operating system, totally open source and set for whoever's using it's custom options. No crap that i don't need that's packaged with other systems. Ba-boom. This is gonna be one sleek piece of pie. But first I just gotta understand all of this shit:

Froot Loop

Uggghhh, great. Here I am again. I can't even sleep. Not one damn wink. I need at least forty winks for it to even be considered a nap. How much would there be needed to have a full on 8 hour coma? Probably 320. That's 8 by 40 right? Heh, of course it is. How could I be wrong; I used my bloody fingers. So glad they don't confiscate those for the non-calculator paper for maths next Thursday. I'd be nothing without my fingers. I wouldn't be able to open doors. I wouldn't be able to use a keyboard and type this pointless shit. I wouldn't be able to play guitar, or write music, or do anything that makes me feel like I'm validating my existence. Pff, who needs to validate their own life anyway? We exist because we exist. Or is it, you exist because I exist and vice versa? If you never met, heard or saw me, I wouldn't exist in your universe. Yet. I suppose there's always the potential to exist eventually. It's not like I knew everybody I was going to know the day I was born. Huh. The potential to exist. Is this what I talk about when I'm in some kind of dumb, tired, banter with myself? Evidently, yes. I'm also listening to music, and the song that was just playing was called "Swing Life Away" by Rise Against. Not a bad song. Now "Body" by The Presidents of The United States of America is playing. I really love this band. Their songs are hilarious sounding, and the lyrical content is just so unique. It's not just "put yo hands up in the air" like a majority of songs I've heard use. Okay, that's a lie. It's not really a "majority", since I don't even normally have the chance to be exposed to that kind of music anyway. I'm too busy in my own musical world with the growing amount of music in my phone. I got no time for the radio yet. Although, I would like to try subscribing to a radio station or two one day. It's all about being exposed to as much and as varied music as possible. Now A.F.I is playing. Eh.. Not in an A.F.I mood. Skip. Ah. "Working with Wood" by Gyroscope. And I just realised. I think the song is about a guy masturbating to get himself over a girl he was with. Hahahaha, holy shit. How have I never realised this before? Gyroscope is an interesting band. Although a lot of what the singer says sounds pretty stalkerish... I don't know if that's like, just their band's persona, or if the guy who writes the lyrics just has a naturally super obsessive nature. Like in this song, there's the line: "If you were with anyone else, you know I could taste it." Ew. Hahah I can just imagine him licking the air. GETCHOO, UH HUH. GETCHOO, UH HUH. GETCHOO, GETCHOO, GETCHOO, UH HUH. Oh I love this song. It's by weezer. It's called Getchoo. Another quite obsessive song. But that's Rivers for ya. He's just like that. It's from Pinkerton, my favourite album of all time. I've mentioned that before on here, so I won't repeat myself now. I wonder how many times I have repeated myself on things here though.. As far as I can tell, everything I write is relatively original compared to what I've written before it. I guess there'd be some occurring themes, but that's to expected, right? You know, this isn't doing my whole not being able to sleep problem very much good. I was a lot more tired around 11, 2 hours ago. But I kept myself up for some reason. And now I'm here. I've only got myself to blame. That's okay, I'll take the blame. Justice where justice is due. I like making these ridiculously long paragraphs because it puts people off reading the whole thing. Oh would you look at that. I'm being messaged at 1 14 in the morning. Who woulda thought. Not me to be perfectly honest Hahah. Hhh, Red Lightning Blues by Brian Setzer is on now. I don't really feel like listening to it now, but oh well. Eh, I'm gonna finish now because I'd like to put proper concentration on the chat now. Some things are more important than this stupid blog, ya know? Cya then.

Examify II

So, here we are all over again.

The first of my IB exams begin tomorrow. I'm excited, I guess. I've learned enough school-related to get by. The only way I can screw up now is if I find myself day dreaming in the middle of the exam, with only half an hour left and only a quarter of an essay complete. That's happened before. My hypothesis on my wandering mind, is that some things in my head are just worth thinking about more than the tasks at hand. As it's said in a song I like; "if you could see inside my head, would you start to understand the things I value in my heart". What do I value in my heart anyways? I don't even know. I'm just a fictional character anyway. Freegal Smith doesn't exist. I am only me. Reality is most definitely not relative, no matter how much I tell myself. This post is meant to be about exams, not this other crap about reality and the mind and fuckshitballstew that I always go on about.

But I guess that's the thing. I don't have anything to say about exams. You go in. You sit down. You follow the instructions. You leave. I actually find it pretty calming, since you're actually expected to be quiet. You get punished for any forms of social interaction. Thank the lord almighty (lol, always wanted to say that phrase) for that! Hm, expectations. Everyone's got expectations on everything. That's just the way we comprehend things I think. It's all about expectation. Expecting what's to come. That's why some people love to gamble so much. They like the feeling of indulging their expectations. When something's unexpected, it's initially incomprehensible until we're able to wrap it around our heads and grow new expectations from the new unexpected stimuli. Is this making any sense?

I was asked today the thing I regret the most, now that school is over. This has been hammering away at my mind for ages. The massive invisible chip on my shoulder, slowly consuming me like barnacles on the bottom of a once clean boat. It always starts off all shiny and new, but sooner or later the parasites will grow, feeding off the accumulated scum. Have you ever tried getting barnacles off a boat? I have, and lemme tell you, it's fucking hard. You gotta poison them first, to weaken their grip. Maybe that's what I should do. Poison my regrets. My regrets of squandering things that are important to me and being too boring to make up for it. Yeah. Just poison the whole lot. Hahah, if only it were that easy.

The bottom corner of my right eye is now twitching again, which means I'm tired. At least there's exams tomorrow to keep my mind off of other things. That's probably the best part of exams. They're a distraction from the real world. The real world. That's a laugh. If this is all the real world has to offer, I think it's better to leave it behind. I think Blanche was on to something. Saying what should be as opposed to what is. If reality truly is relative, then who cares if pretending things are great just means I'm crazy. Does the will to find happiness outweigh the need for being grounded in truth? I don't know the answer to that. The cynic in me says the latter is what is important, and let's face it, the cynic in me is far better company for myself than the crazily way too open optimistic part. He's just a better influence, you know? Oh look, there I go accidentally splitting myself into pieces again. My bad. I know I am only me.

Alright, let's get these exams over and done with already so life can finally become something new. Something I won't squander and regret and make a big pointless blog post about it.

I'm out.