Coin

So I've been thinking of my future lately. And I reckon in university I should major in creating false senses of security. Cause I seem to be pretty good at doing that naturally. Haaaaaaah. Hilarious. Aren't I funny?
Nope, not at all.
What? Why not?
Well first of all I couldn't even tell you were joking.
I wasn't joking.
Then why would you even think it's funny?
I dunno.. The truth can be funny?
Ha. Ha. Indeed. The truth is so very funny. Like your face.
My face? I suppose it can be pretty funny looking sometimes.
Nope, not sometimes. All the times.
Ouch, that kinda stings.
Aw boo hoo.
Why are you being so mean?
I don't really know, to be honest. Maybe I'm just a naturally mean person?
That would explain a lot..
Hey! What is that supposed to mean?
Well, ya know, your short temper and whatever.
I don't have THAT short a temper... Do I?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, kind of. I mean, sometimes you do.
Sometimes I just have off days. So what? Sue me.
See! Again with the hostility. Jeez man, you needa take a chill pill.
Oh you mean like the ones you take every night before you go to bed?
Yeah, they really help my anxiety. Helps my insomnia too. The world can be pretty overwhelming, ya know? Helps me not think about the next day for a while.
Hah, the next day. Always worried about what tomorrow will bring aren't you?
I wouldn't say I'm worried, really. Just, excited I suppose. In a weird kind of way. Since, there's so many possibilities that could happen.
So then why are you anxious?
Well one of the possibilities could be something bad happens. Or that nothing happens. Then that would be shit. I hate it when nothing happens. Or when it feels like I'm stagnating.
At least you shower regularly...
Yep! Everyday! Also, I cut my hair today. By myself.
What the fuck? Why?
Agghh, my fringe was getting in the way of my eyes.  I hated that. So this bright idea came to my mind: "WHY DON'T YOU JUST CUT IT!?" And so I do! I go get my scissors, and then snip snip. No more fringe.
Wow... What a rebel..
Well I thought it was pretty cool. Who are you anyway?
Eh, I guess I'm you.
So then I'm you too, right?
I suppose so. Makes sense right? What's mine is yours and yours is mine. Two different sides of a coin.
I don't like that analogy. I'm not bi-polar or anything.
Are you sure? You split yourself up right now, didn't you?
So? This is just for fun?
Oh really? So you're having fun right now, are you?
Uh...................... I guess so............
Ugh, you're so indecisive.
No I'm not!
Yeah you are. You're so wishy-washy. It's so stupid. You know what you wanna do and say and how you wanna act, and yet you just DON'T. Why not? Cause you're indecisive. You're worried about what being you might do.
No.. I like being me. It's just. I don't know. Sometimes it just feels like there's a wall in my head. And I can't cross it for the life of me! I hate it to be honest. Absolutely hate it.
Then fucking do something about it and stop whining about it like a little cry-baby.
I try to do something everyday! But it's not a quick-and-easy process. These things take time.
You know that when you move to America you're just gonna reset, right? No friends, no family with you, unfamiliar city. How are you even going to survive out there? Let alone even form a freakin' band from scratch with total strangers.
Well.. you never know. My roomies may be like, the perfect combination of people and they all wanna be in a band too.
Oh really? Wanna know the probability of that? Well I can't give you an exact number, because you suck at math, but you know just as well as I do the chance for that to happen is so remotely slim, you'd have to be the luckiest person on the planet. You feelin' lucky boy? Hah.
Not particularly when I see my Group 4 team. But that was just one instance.
Yup, just one. And you know what they say. If something like that happens once, it can happen again.

...

I don't know what to say! It just feels like there's so many barriers. I finally break through one after a lot of work, work that I enjoy mind you, but then another one just plops itself right in front of the last one. I've moved about 3 inches these past few months.
Well done.. You've managed to encapsulate all your feelings about this into one short paragraph. Are you satisfied now? Can we go home?
Home? No.. We can't yet. It's too early right now.
Uggghh come on! We've been here for ages.
Oh please, it's only been like 10 minutes.
YEAH. AGES.
Wow, you really don't wanna talk to me that much, huh? It's okay, I don't really care. I'm not even hurt. You're just a dick anyway.
Whatever douchebag, at least I know what I want.
No you don't! You know just as much as i do, and that's absolutely nothing!
Don't you think that's a bit of an exaggeration?
Yeah, you're right. I do know stuff. I know I don't know nothing. But sometimes it just feels like that.
I know.. I know.. This is just you over thinking again.
Why do I do that?
Who knows. I sure don't.
Yeah, didn't think you would. But I thought it would be worth a shot.
Nice, there, see, isn't that good? You're trying!
I try all the time.
Really?
Well... I try when I can. It's hard. With the walls and whatever..
It all just sounds like excuses to me.
Yeah it would to anyone else too.
Hhhhhhhhhh, lucky I know you. Come on. Let's go home already.
Fine.. I think I've dwelled on this for too long today anyway.
FINALLY. About time.
Let's go get something to eat. I'm hungry.
Okay, stop talking about it then, and get to it. Make me a sandwich.
Hey, fuck you.

Disconnect-connect-connect-connect-aagghh-disconnect

Yes! That's right! Due to unpopular demand here is another shoddily recorded demo!! And get this, I even played the drums myself this time, instead of making a drum track. So uhh.. that's why the drums sound completely random at times. Because I was basically just jamming, messing around with the different cymbals. That's why there's more fills in this song! But just remember, it's a DEMO. And I had no help. In an ideal world I'd really like to run it with my band, and get their input too, and make it even better! But we'll see about that I guess.

So without further adoo (i know that's wrong) HERE IT IS:

Disconnect

And as an added bonus, because I apparently really don't wanna finish this other English essay I have to do, here are the lyrics!

So much stimuli in this world

It's impossible to experience it all.

So if all is fair in life and death

Then I better keep away from all of it.

There's so much beauty, I've been told;

On this little planet, we call home.

But what about all the eyesores too?

Yeah, I'm better off closing my eyes for good.

Chorus!

Don't mind me just sitting here.

I would rather disappear.

Forget the time that's passing by.

I would, rather close my eyes.

When you're plagued with disaffect,

I'd much rather disconnect....!

ooo-waoo-oo-waoo-oo

oo-waoo-oo-waoo-oo-oo

waoo-oo, waoo-oo

There's so much tension in this place.

And I can feel the signals punchin' my face.

Radio static, coming in clear.

Yeah, it's, it's force fed, right into my ear.

When your cell phone's smarter than you

Where is the point in learning something new?

What's the latest trendy perfume flair?

Oh, I heard it's apathy, wafting in the air.

Then, ya know, some more chorus' or whatever.

Tadaaah, the end. In case you couldn't tell, because even I have a hard time telling sometimes, I'm being sarcastic in this song. I don't really wanna disconnect from people. It just feels like sometimes it's all I can do.

Door Smasher

Ooooww.. I just walked into my bathroom door. And not when it was closed either. When it was pretty much all the way opened. Managed to scrape the top of my foot off cause the bottom of the door is elevated the side of the bathroom. I also banged my shoulder..

Who does that? Walk into an open door? Me apparently. If you know me i guess this clumsiness wouldn't really seem like much of a surprise. But for me, whenever i do something stupid like that, or say, miss my mouth when i try and put a spoon full of soup in it, i am really genuinely surprised everytime something like that happens. I wonder why?

Maybe my head is just never where it should be. A case of wrong time wrong place, except mental. Sometimes i just get in the habit of thinking about some things so much that i just go into autopilot. So my body just moves around where it needs to but then my mind can wander as much as it wants. Hahaha I'll probably end up getting run over by a car or something.

Naah, i promise to be careful on the street.

I may be clumsy, but Im not stupid. Really. Even when it seems i do completely stupid things, i swear Im not doing them on purpose. But then again.. Who is stupid on purpose? Would someone who is stupid know it if no one tells them?

Hmm.. Probably not i guess. So maybe i am stupid, just no one's had the guts to tell me.


It's okay, you'd only hurt my feelings a little bit.

Haah.

Oh, but then that gets me thinking. What constitutes as stupid? Who decides what is and isn't? Im not really sure.. Maybe it depends on some kind of unanimous decision derived sub-consciously in our society?

Ahh so many questions, so few answers. And there are still many more questions I'd like to ask.

But they can wait i guess.

Fuckin' A

Here's a nice picture i took while doing my English essay the other day. Pretty artsy huh? I was just about to play a game of naughts and crosses with myself on that massive hash thingy on my hand. But then better things arose than drawing on myself. Ahhh good times, good times.

Mind Refraction

It's 7:11. And although I have tried so very hard to start my English Essay all week, it's already due tomorrow. Who would have guessed staring at a blank page would be so counter productive?

Me! But that's unfair. I'm only speaking from experience.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm complaining. Because I'm not, really. I know it's all my fault I haven't gotten around to doing it yet. But that's just what I do. Build things up and then let them slip away. Tension, excitement, suspense, hopes, whatever. Think it just took this essay for me to fully realise that. I don't mean to, but that's just how things turn out.

Positive = Negative.

 Although in this case it seems more like Positive --> Negative. But, with bad comes good, right? Meh, who knows. This universe is random anyway. This is just my coping mechanism cause I don't understand a thing about life.

Well, time to get to work I guess. Maybe this one won't somehow slip away.

Keats Would Be Proud

What could I possibly hate more?

A question which poses itself;

That I drew on my bedroom wall.

With the matter of oneself,

Whom had suffered a great fall

from the top of my mantel shelf.

O, no, the fire was still left on and burning bright.

O, dear, such a pity for the fire to engulf you tonight.

What is life and are we really living

the way we think we aught to?

Often on nights such as this, quivering,

I ask myself, 'till my brain is stew.

But philosophy is for those who don't mind giving

A fuck or two, so I must say screw

It all, because to be honest it's all a cyclical argument.

Or a catch-22 or whatever you wish to call it.

But time is wasting too much I'd say.

So what's up with all the rhetoric?

Perchance this is the time for an essay.

But then again I'd much rather frolic

in a pile of wet, sticky, chocolate soufflé.

But hey, on the bright side, I'm not an alcoholic.

But even if I was, I don't think anything could be as bad

As the procrastination, that's taken firm hold of my gonad(s).

-0

So me and Janet have just discovered that no one has ever wrote anything called -0 (negative zero) before. UNTIL TODAY. WOOHOOHOOHOO! 

Uh, I feel like I should say something really impressive for this momentous occasion. But to be honest, my mind is complete mush from the two music essays I've just done.

So..... 

Just think about a world where -0 exists. What would it be like? Well I guess we'll finally know the answer.

As soon as I press "Publish".