Coin

So I've been thinking of my future lately. And I reckon in university I should major in creating false senses of security. Cause I seem to be pretty good at doing that naturally. Haaaaaaah. Hilarious. Aren't I funny?
Nope, not at all.
What? Why not?
Well first of all I couldn't even tell you were joking.
I wasn't joking.
Then why would you even think it's funny?
I dunno.. The truth can be funny?
Ha. Ha. Indeed. The truth is so very funny. Like your face.
My face? I suppose it can be pretty funny looking sometimes.
Nope, not sometimes. All the times.
Ouch, that kinda stings.
Aw boo hoo.
Why are you being so mean?
I don't really know, to be honest. Maybe I'm just a naturally mean person?
That would explain a lot..
Hey! What is that supposed to mean?
Well, ya know, your short temper and whatever.
I don't have THAT short a temper... Do I?
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, kind of. I mean, sometimes you do.
Sometimes I just have off days. So what? Sue me.
See! Again with the hostility. Jeez man, you needa take a chill pill.
Oh you mean like the ones you take every night before you go to bed?
Yeah, they really help my anxiety. Helps my insomnia too. The world can be pretty overwhelming, ya know? Helps me not think about the next day for a while.
Hah, the next day. Always worried about what tomorrow will bring aren't you?
I wouldn't say I'm worried, really. Just, excited I suppose. In a weird kind of way. Since, there's so many possibilities that could happen.
So then why are you anxious?
Well one of the possibilities could be something bad happens. Or that nothing happens. Then that would be shit. I hate it when nothing happens. Or when it feels like I'm stagnating.
At least you shower regularly...
Yep! Everyday! Also, I cut my hair today. By myself.
What the fuck? Why?
Agghh, my fringe was getting in the way of my eyes.  I hated that. So this bright idea came to my mind: "WHY DON'T YOU JUST CUT IT!?" And so I do! I go get my scissors, and then snip snip. No more fringe.
Wow... What a rebel..
Well I thought it was pretty cool. Who are you anyway?
Eh, I guess I'm you.
So then I'm you too, right?
I suppose so. Makes sense right? What's mine is yours and yours is mine. Two different sides of a coin.
I don't like that analogy. I'm not bi-polar or anything.
Are you sure? You split yourself up right now, didn't you?
So? This is just for fun?
Oh really? So you're having fun right now, are you?
Uh...................... I guess so............
Ugh, you're so indecisive.
No I'm not!
Yeah you are. You're so wishy-washy. It's so stupid. You know what you wanna do and say and how you wanna act, and yet you just DON'T. Why not? Cause you're indecisive. You're worried about what being you might do.
No.. I like being me. It's just. I don't know. Sometimes it just feels like there's a wall in my head. And I can't cross it for the life of me! I hate it to be honest. Absolutely hate it.
Then fucking do something about it and stop whining about it like a little cry-baby.
I try to do something everyday! But it's not a quick-and-easy process. These things take time.
You know that when you move to America you're just gonna reset, right? No friends, no family with you, unfamiliar city. How are you even going to survive out there? Let alone even form a freakin' band from scratch with total strangers.
Well.. you never know. My roomies may be like, the perfect combination of people and they all wanna be in a band too.
Oh really? Wanna know the probability of that? Well I can't give you an exact number, because you suck at math, but you know just as well as I do the chance for that to happen is so remotely slim, you'd have to be the luckiest person on the planet. You feelin' lucky boy? Hah.
Not particularly when I see my Group 4 team. But that was just one instance.
Yup, just one. And you know what they say. If something like that happens once, it can happen again.

...

I don't know what to say! It just feels like there's so many barriers. I finally break through one after a lot of work, work that I enjoy mind you, but then another one just plops itself right in front of the last one. I've moved about 3 inches these past few months.
Well done.. You've managed to encapsulate all your feelings about this into one short paragraph. Are you satisfied now? Can we go home?
Home? No.. We can't yet. It's too early right now.
Uggghh come on! We've been here for ages.
Oh please, it's only been like 10 minutes.
YEAH. AGES.
Wow, you really don't wanna talk to me that much, huh? It's okay, I don't really care. I'm not even hurt. You're just a dick anyway.
Whatever douchebag, at least I know what I want.
No you don't! You know just as much as i do, and that's absolutely nothing!
Don't you think that's a bit of an exaggeration?
Yeah, you're right. I do know stuff. I know I don't know nothing. But sometimes it just feels like that.
I know.. I know.. This is just you over thinking again.
Why do I do that?
Who knows. I sure don't.
Yeah, didn't think you would. But I thought it would be worth a shot.
Nice, there, see, isn't that good? You're trying!
I try all the time.
Really?
Well... I try when I can. It's hard. With the walls and whatever..
It all just sounds like excuses to me.
Yeah it would to anyone else too.
Hhhhhhhhhh, lucky I know you. Come on. Let's go home already.
Fine.. I think I've dwelled on this for too long today anyway.
FINALLY. About time.
Let's go get something to eat. I'm hungry.
Okay, stop talking about it then, and get to it. Make me a sandwich.
Hey, fuck you.