Concentration is the key to unlocking the mind's eye.

heeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuooooooooeeeeeeoooooooooo.

You should read that out loud, starting very high pitched and grainy, and then slowly descending in pitch until it's as low as a shallow grave.

SOOSOSOSOSOSO!!! SO! What's happening? NUTHIN MUCH. Just. I dunno, man. I dunno, woman. I dunno, badger. I dunno, OKAY!? Jeeeez. Give it a rest already.

I don't. I don't feel like doing anything. I dunno. It's not like, I don't want to do anything. I just. I just don't, feel it, you know? I don't feel any inspiration writhing up and down my squeegly squoogly spine. Can you relate? Is that something relate-able? WHHOOOOOO (pronounced hu) knows!

So, I'm home alone right now until tomorrow. Woot woot. Got the house to myself. Too bad I don't know what to do about it. Ahaha. I'm just. I'm just feeling kind of clueless, I guess. I don't really know. I don't really, know, ya know, know, what to make of this. Even these darn paragraphs have no  meat to them. What's the point of even writing them!

I found a new band. It's called Ninja Sex Party and they are AWESOME.

Haha. That's it. No more now. Any grey matter that was still functioning in my head, behind my face, just above my throat, has now evacuated the building. Perhaps I should do the same. FIRE! FIRE! OH BLIMEY, THERE'S A FIRE IN HERE! A fiiiiirre, iiiin myyy soouuuulllll.

lolzjk.

Ahhh-

I'm writing this on the can right now. Why? Because I can! Haahahaaahoohohoh. Don't like it? Deal with it! I got green hair, okay? I can do whatever the fuck I want, damn it!

So, turns out I won a stupid award. Yay. Great. This means I have to turn up to the most boring day of school ever. Just when I think I've finally gotten away from it, it comes right back swinging. Sighhhhhhhhh. Haha, I don't even feel like I deserve an award. Why would I? I've done nothing of merit all year. Not to mention i haven't had to be in school for the past month. You know what my life has consisted of since my freedom? Basically videogames, eating, and then working out as a half assed attempt to counter balance the lazy shit I've engrossed my life with. Does that even make sense? Maybe! Who cares! I'm still just sitting on the can! I mean I'm not doing anything. Just sitting here. It's relaxing. The curvature of the seat is delicately hand crafted for absolute comfort and sitting bliss. Just kidding. I'd give it an "okay" rating at best. It's better than the outside seats in straits quay though. Those are probably one of the most uncomfortable seats I've ever sat on in my life. A dead spikey hedgehog frozen with sharp stalagtites (or stalagmites, whatever) protruding out of it would be more comfortable.

MY PHONE IS ABOUT TO RUN OUT OF BATTERY NOW SO GOODNIGHT PEACE OUT FUCK OFF BOOM.

Hold the candle by the tip of the flame

I, I, I, I, I just wanna go UUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. But, no. It's not practical. Why bother with that. Just gotta tell yourself -stop- You know? There will come a time when things like certain trains of thought will be long gone from the station. But do I want them gone? Maybe it's better to just keep them in the corner, a blanket covering the caboose. They'll collect dust, and eventually fade from memory. Will they? I don't know. -stop- That's the most important thing I think. Just gotta remind myself to stop every now and then. I've gotten pretty good at rationalizing I think. I can see when my thoughts are spinning a bit uncontrollably out of control, which makes it a lot easier then to just say -stop- I mean the thoughts come back as sure as vultures pick the boiling scabs off decaying bodies in the middle of a desert. But, it's okay. That's when you yet again just say -stop-

Lately, my nose has been really irritated. It's killing me. I don't feel at peace ever. Sleeping isn't even nice because I can't get away from my Damn nose. Fuck! What I wouldn't give for the itchiness to go away. It's been getting worse and worse for over 2 weeks now. Uggghhh. -stop-

Can I tell you something? I am kinda freaking out about university. Kind of. I mean. Just a bit. It's just... How am I ever going to be sure I'll have enough inspiration to be able to write a new piece every week? It's gonna be hard at first, I imagine. Once I get it started I suppose it won't be so bad. But... I can't just write things willy nilly, ya know? I gotta actually be thinking of something. Otherwise it's just a piece of churned out shit, right? There's gotta be some kind of feeling behind whatever it is I'm writing. Otherwise there's no point. But Damn. I don't know what it's going to be like. I don't know -stop-

Sigh.. If you keep putting on the brakes, you'll never get anywhere. I'll be fine. Everything will be fine. Whatever. By the way, the new Noah and the Whale album; it was a little disappointing. Not that it's "bad". It's just.. Not what I hoped for I guess. I suppose it's good though. If all those songs I like from them are just bred from total heartache and depression, then I'm glad the songwriter doesn't have to experience feelings like those for another album. It reminds me of Weezer though. Both their second albums were totally emotion fueled, but then after that, it's like they're all dried out. They had nothing left to give out, so all that was left was happy songs about being happy and full of joy and love and whatever. It's interesting though. The connection between the two band's careers. Hmmmm.. Careers. -stop-

Waiting Room

Things are kinda blurry only like 20 feet away now... I'm not really sure what to think of this. Maybe my eyesight is getting worse?

Eh.

I'm waiting in the airport right now for the plane back home. It was a short trip I was on, but it was still awesome. Met some new people. Hung out with one of my best friends. Ahh.. It's not so bad, since I know we'll see each other again some day. That goes for everyone I guess. Good-by is never really good-by unless I don't actually want to see you again.

Hmm..

Well that's what I tell myself anyway. Maybe I'm being really naive here. But, I doubt it. There's always a way for people to meet again. I mean... If they're still alive anyway. Heh.

Oh goody! Boarding time now. Hoooorah.

Don't eat the yellow, green, brown, blue and red snow. ESPECIALLY not the red snow.

So, I've been thinking of going to a local restaurant and apply for an internship. Since I've gotten. So gosh darn good at waiting. Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahah. *breath* hahahahahahahahhahahahah. Ahhhh...
Get it?

I wonder what napalm smells like. I imagine it'd be something real horrible, like, the stench of rotting eggplants and decaying foetus's combined. I'll probably never actually smell it in my lifetime. Maybe if I find a time machine I'll be able to go back to the Vietnam war and take a big whiff of the air.

I just feel like I'm trying to pass the time lately. Ugh. I hate that. I wanna get started with ANYTHING. BUT I CAN'T. BECAUSE IT'S NOT TIME FOR ANYTHING YET. SO I JUST GOTTA sit around and wait a bit. A bit. A bit. Meh. Longing for the sun to set so I can watch it slowly fall behind that horizon line; just another day going down with it like a bird that's been shotgunned out of the sky. Bakhoom.

So apparently some people died last night cause a tree fell on them from the wind. Damn. What a way to go. It must have been pretty scary for them. I wonder if the moment just before the tree hit the top of their car they were resolute and accepted their fate for what it is. Did their life flash by their mind? I'm sure they would have been able to see the tree as it came down upon them too. Damn. Damn. Wonder what they were thinking. Probably "Oh shit." in whatever language it is they think in. Or maybe they were screaming. Or maybe they didn't say anything, thinking the tree wouldn't hit them in a million years. I'll never know. You'll never know. No one will, really. Hm..

Woops. Didn't think I'd get this morbid. Oh well. I hope I've practiced my piano enough to satisfy my teacher this time. Last lesson she wasn't very happy. Can't say I blame her. I wasn't very happy with myself either. But things just get in the way, you know? Excuses excuses. I've had it up to here with excuses. Up to where? Somewhere between the world we acknowledge as reality and the world where are dreams inhabit. Maybe those are the same worlds. If that's the case, I haven't had it very high. Which is probably good. Because I'm not that fed up with excuses. Excuses make the world go round, right? If everyone was always honest about everything they've ever done, where would we be today? Don't ask me! I ain't no fortune teller. I'll let you know once i find that string theory alternate universe space and time traveller. There'll be one around somewhere. Maybe it's under my bed. Wouldn't that be something.

Yooooooouuu should get out of town too.

Well, if you insist!

The Walls Are Bleeding Maple Syrup, Honey.

It's almost here, you know? The day I'm off living by myself. No more comfort zone, no more friends to see, no more family to talk to, no more nuthin.

And that's okay.

I dunno, I guess I just don't see how bad it can possibly be. Maybe I'll be in for some terrible awakening after my first few days out in the world, but honestly.. I can't see it hurt me. Maybe I'm just being naïve. Who knows?

I think I need to find a hyperbolic time chamber if I'm ever gonna do a whole 6000 dares. And there's not even that much to do in those anyways. It's just completely white nothingness. Haha. I bet very few people will even know what a hyperbolic time chamber is. Oh well.

I've got enough clothes to last me a lifetime now, I think. As long as I don't become hideously obese in the future, I should be A-O-K. It was raining a lot this night. There was also a lot of wind, so much wind in fact that my brother's school has called saying he shouldn't go to school tomorrow. What the hell happened? Was it really that bad? Apparently it was. But I guess I'll never know.

I'm just keeping myself awake now, and I don't even know why. I should really just go to sleep. I'm already lying in bed. I should really just go to sleep. When I close my eyes the world is pretty spinny again. I should really just go to sleep. +°% 「%¤&÷%! *( */)% 「+'% *:+?. ±-* /(-「「 ÷%°%& -÷!%&?*¤÷! #:¤* +μ #&+*+±'. Hehehe. That actually makes sense. Honest! I should really just go to sleep. It's 00:00. I'm just gonna go to sleep now.

Meow, woof woof, cockadoodledoo, whale sound.

Good night.

That Damn Labyrinth.

So I just finished a book about an hour ago that I only started reading last night. I'm pretty happy with myself about that. It wad a good book too. Flowed real nicely. That's the only reason I could have read it so quickly. I'm normally quite a slow reader.

Reading the book was interesting because it solidified some things that I've actually been thinking about recently. I got the book not really knowing what to expect, and it just so happened to brush over sooo many different thoughts and questions I've been asking myself. Haha, I mean, the book didn't exactly answer these questions, but it's nice to have your own questions validated by seeing some random dude has asked the same things, in a way that a lot of people must like. Hmmmm.

It's hard to know when remembering things and people whether or not you're idealising them because they're not around. You forget the bad things and only remember the good. Or vice versa. I guess it's just what people do. It's not like we mentally say to ourselves "okay, This person had no faults and they were completely fantastical and farted rainbows". It's just the way we can subconsciously manipulate our own memories without even noticing. And then you can become stuck in a dream, ya know? Heh.

So my hair feels radioactive right now. It's pretty awesome. The greenest of greens, and it's all over my head. And it's not just from food colouring too, so my hair is actually soft again. Well.. Soft as hair gets when you've bleached it. I don't really have anything to compare it to anusways, so for my standards it's soft haha. Also, I consulted with a highly esteemed hair professor on whether or not hair products contribute to baldness. And you know what? They don't! It's a myth. I ain't going bald, unless it's already been decided by my genetic code, and if that's the case i was doomed from the very beginning anusway. So I may as well enjoy my hair while I still can!

I am invincible. I've been wondering whether or not I am for a while now, but, yes. It's true. We're invincible for as long as we believe we're invincible.

Control

Self control, to be more specific.

I think I could do with some more. That's why I'm gonna do some things, and see if I can actually stick to them. Hell, if I could will myself into not shaving for basically a month and a half, I can do anything now.

But we'll see I suppose. My mind has been wandering around a lot these past few days. Concentration is probably at an all time low. Can't really do the same thing for very long, or else I'll get bored. Jumping. I'm always just jumping from one thing to the next. Maybe that's good. Maybe that's healthy. Hard to say, really.

I'd like to write a second album during these holidays (or gap year if I'm a rejected loosah). It's gonna be called "I know I don't know". I've even already got the album title song that inspired it. It's gonna be pretty introspective I guess. Experimental too. It's all about the experiments. Everything I do is an experiment I guess. That's how you grow and develop what you wanna do. My song about Ophelia is gonna be on the album too, and the demo for that is actually finished. I'd like to go over it with people though, and get some more input, because I'm not entirely happy with it yet. But it's basically a rough indication of what I want it to sound like. I think the hardest part of any composition is ending it. It's one thing just to do an instrumental run of the chorus, followed by a cadence. But.. I wanna do more than just that haha. That's what I'll be thinking about the most. The end. Well, and the middle too I suppose. Because development can also be tricky. Good development anyway. So yeah, that's what I'm gonna focus on for that album.

I've started working out again too. I now also remember why I hated it so much in the first place. Uuurrrgghh. Fuck weights. Seriously. Just.. Fuck 'em. I only do that twice a week though. The other days I go running, and then every Sunday I go kayaking. That's like a "well done, me" treat after torturing myself for the other days. Running's not so bad either though. That's what I did today, right after I had to run into school because you can never trust a bus here and you can never think it won't take 35 bloody minutes for a bus to come by you. GAH. It was really crowded too. Everyone's everything was everywhere around me and that made me feel quite uncomfortable. But it was like my phone was speaking to me though. When I first got on and saw the bus was ridiculously crowded, a song called "Hold On" came on. And then when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the bus then decided to randomly drive into the station, instead of just going straight. But once again, my phone was there to comfort me with "Everything Will Be Alright".It was all on random too, so I was pretty impressed by it.

And now I'm just kinda trying to pass the time because I'm waiting. But I think I've written enough here for now. See you some other time.

Hung Up

I've always been terrible at good-by's.

Hello's too for that matter.

A good-by is never really a good-by though. I don't think so anyway. It's only just a "see you later."

So. See you later.