Buried Treasure

I just found some lyrics I wrote about 9 months ago or something.

JACKPOOOOOT.

I didn't know how good I was.

Well, I did. But I didn't know that I was that good even then. I love it when I leave little bits of treasure for me to find several months later after I've forgotten about them. It's pretty cool, cause then I can see it all through a new perspective. I turned this super depressing song that I wrote, into a bitingly sarcastic one, now that I've progressed in my life from that moment.

Forget that other song I was gonna put up next.

This one is gonna come up. I was thinking of making it a slow tempo one. The slowest song I've ever done. But I dunno, we'll see how it pans out.

It's also come to my attention that I've never actually posted a love song, or something along the lines of a song that portrays some kind of deep feeling for something. I mean.. I have written a few. But I don't think they're ready yet. Nah. Not yet. They don't feel genuine enough I think. Well, they were genuine. And are. But... It just feels like something is missing. And it's not a cheezy synth-organ.

Okay then. Hope tomorrow will be good.

SEE YA.

Paragraph

So I've got this ulcer right now inside my mouth, at the part where the lip is attached to the gum. It hurts quite a bit, cause, ya know, it's the attached part. So whenever I move my lips, the ulcer gets stretched. Doesn't really hurt I'm eating though. Except for bananas, which for some reason really hurt. I've been eating 2 bananas a day recently, cause I think my potassium levels have been pretty low. Always get cramps when I'm running. But I haven't been able to run at the beginning of this week. Cause I had some pretty bad sunburn on my leg. Did I talk about that already? I can't even remember. But I couldn't go to school on Monday nonetheless because I wasn't able to wear pants. Unfortunately that meant I missed out on a roller-coaster at school. You'd think I'd be over roller-coasters by now, after Orlando and all, but nope. It's really fun. To fall. That feeling you get, right at the peak of a drop, and then. Down you go. It's pretty nice. i swear I looked at my clock on the computer 10 minutes ago and it said it was 12:49 AM. But it says it's 12:49 AM now. Well. 12:50 AM now, but who's counting? Me apparently. That's what you get for taking maths. You become aware of numbers. The universe works on a math equation that never even ever really is in the end. Does that make sense to you? Because to me, it makes perfect sense. Crystal clear clarity. Like the finest concentration of methemphetamine. Not that I would actually know what that's like though. I wonder if Keats ever partook in such earthly process as taking drugs. I can imagine him sitting in his room, with nothing but his notebook where he writes all his poetry, and a joint. Kinda sounds like me, minus the joint. Speaking of poetry, I could have sworn I was inspired some-what the other day to write lyrics. But it was all to no avail. Maybe tomorrow something'll hit me. Like a bus. Or a car. Or a cat. I'd rather it hit me, than piss on me. I think I've finally gotten rid of my natural pheromone that attracts my cat's to pee on me. That was annoying. Speaking of annoying, this format I've written this post is exceptionally annoying. Jumping from idea to idea, with no paragraphs anywhere to be seen. There's no splitting of ideas. Technically this all constitutes as one flow of the mind. One, flow, seeping up and down through my veins. Temptation flows in my veins. Does it flow in your veins too? Probably. We're all tempted to do something every now and then. Be it something stupid, spiteful, nice, mean, hatred-fuel, et al. But in the end. No matter how much temptation I've got, it's just not enough to breeeaaak through some walls. Some very big, tall, jail cell looking walls, with barbed wire and electricity coursing through them. Too high to jump. I could try digging under it, but there's an underground river with crocodiles in it. Crocodile tears. What an interesting phrase. Is it because crocodiles can keep their eyes open for a long time and not blink or cry? I dunno. And quite frankly, I couldn't (almost wrote could) care less about some English saying. I couldn't care less about English too. What a silly language. All languages are silly. So many exceptions. They're all filled with them. If we didn't have language, would we be able to comprehend our complex thoughts? I argued "no" for my ToK essay once. But I argue "no" for a lot of things too. Too many things. Like what? I can't remember. Actually, no, that's not true. I argue "for" quite many things. Liek the freedom to choose. I believe every human being has the right to choose what they wanna do to their own body. Apparently, that's a stupid thing to believe. But, what can I say? Fuck you? No, not you. You didn't do anything. Did you? Not that I know of. Maybe you have, and I'm just ignorant. Can't really say blissful, but I suppose I am somewhat naive. So that can be nice sometimes. But then sometimes I make it seem like I know less, when really, I get the whole picture. Or do I? I can't even remember. I'm pretty tired now, so that's why my memory is being all faulty. Faulty, faulty, faulty. To bad I threw away the warranty card for my mind. They said it last for 18 years. So I've got one more year to redeem and refine. But who would wanna get a brain transplant? Not me. That's for sure. HAH. HAHAH. Why am I laughing? That will be the twist ending to this thought. I don't even knoooooow. That's a cop out answer though. Of course I know. Why wouldn't I know? It's like saying I don't have complete control of my body. But that would be siiiillyyyy. I know what I want. It's just a matter of communication, timing, and a third thing too I guess. Cause the rule of thirds says so. And for some reason, the number 3 just happens to be very persuasive. Why? Why? Why? Who knows. Third time's the charm, or so the old saying goes. Great, my head exploded now from all this continuous continuous continuous thinking. Good night.

Waiting

Yes. Yesss. Yeeeesssssssssssssssss. Yeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.............Could it be?

Yes, I think so. I have become inspired. All of the stars in my mind have finally aligned. I feel it. Something. This is good. Very good. Expect something. Expect something good. Expect something nice. Expect something worth your time. Because time is precious after all. Mmmmm. Yes. Time is definitely of the essence. Essence. Essence. the essence of time is the way you spend it. How do you spend time? With your own two hands of course. How much is spent? Depends on what you're buying. Is it expensive? That also depends on what you're making time for. Making time. Lot's of people make time. Lot's of people make it just in time. Right before the door closes. Why? I dunno, they're just lucky like that. Time was in their favour. Is time in my favour? Only time will tell. Let's hope it won't be a total jerk-dick-dirty-filthy-rotten-motherlicking-fuckface-bastard-bitch.  HAHAHA. Of course not. Time is nice.

Zipper

Wow. Really? Can't talk to the point of not even being able to ask for 20 sen to get home. This shit is getting debilitating. You'd think after the last string of positive posts things would start getting better, right?

Hahahah. Hah. No. On the contrary. Its like after something good happens, or i sense some kind of progression socially with pretty much anyone, i get all happy and ignorant. And i forget, that there's a lot more left.

I don't get it really. Talking should be easy. I've been speaking since i was about 3. And yet, almost everyday my skills seem to just be deteriorating. I can't just expect everyone to start all conversations. And yet i just, i just, i just can't open my god damn mouth. Why? Why oh why oh why?

It really shouldn't be that hard. Shoulda woulda coulda. Or in this case shouldn't wouldn't couldn't. And yet it is! And Im just stuck in this frustrating loop that consists of false hope followed by a decline in social skills. And the stupid part is it's all in my head. Yet i just can't wrap my mind around it, and strangle the problem to death. Hah. If only.

My mouth is like a zipper that's stuck on the corner of my jeans.

I'd end on a positive note like: "I'm sure next week will be better!" But positivity can go fuck a butt. I'm out.

Anticipation

This is it. The moment is finally here. My all time favorite band's new album is finally being launched into my ears as a wall of sound.

And I have to say.

It's fucking fantastic.

IT LIVED UP TO THE HYPE. Which is something I've found quite rare in my 12 years of experience. Cause let's face it, I'm basically a 12 year old right?

It makes me feel revitalized. It gives me hope for the future. It makes me reflect on different kinds of things. I spent all afternoon today trying to find a physical copy of the CD. It was advertised in a few music shops that it is coming out today.

 But the places I went to, they just looked at me stupidly and were like "duuuhhhhrrhyyuuucckk, come back on the 25th?" They're heads imploded when I told them it is the 25th. But I didn't care. The disappointment was just so great. A completely wasted afternoon on a wild goose chase. I really wanted to actually pay for something. I thought they, as the artist, would have earned it. But I guess nooooot.

In the end though I just got the digital copy.

Wooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

This feels good.

I'm smiling.

Anyways, that's just one thing that happened today. And actually quite a bit happened. For instance, I found out a great way to pick up girls from ToK. Well, rather, the girls would pick me up. But it seems fool proof enough. Just need to go to a crowded place, like a disco, and then collapse on the ground. Then, apparently, the girls in vicinity will help stand me up, before shortly asking me to go back to their place.

Sounds good right? And the way I fall over naturally over anything and everything anyway makes it seem even more believable. Perfect. Thanks ToK!

Okay.. Maybe not a lot really happened today... After listening to that Green Day album, all I can think of is how cool it is. So I guess not that much important really occurred. HO WELL!

See you tomorrow. Or not. Who's to say if I can really see anything through these rose tinted eyes.

Shiver

And just like that, the truth finally comes out. After being bottled up for what feels like a really really long time. And now that's it out, all I feel is a shivering inside. But it's weird though. It's not a cold shiver. I don't know how to explain it. But my insides feel like they're swirling back and forth, and then there's a break, and then it starts again.

Gosh darn.

And now I'm just left with my thoughts. My damn thoughts. They can be pretty intrusive sometimes. Creeping up on me when I don't want them. In the middle of a conversation, or when I'm lying in my bed trying to sleep. But maybe this is good. I'm glad it's finally out. It's like I puked out this horrible stick that's been stuck in my throat for about 7 months, muting me.

Maybe now I'll be able to properly talk again.

We'll see I guess.

Wilfred

Resentment is like taking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.

That's a quote i read today, and for some reason it piqued my interest. Hmmm, i wonder why though? Learning is fun. I like having questions answered.