¿Por Que?

Judging from what a lot of the people around me are feeling, empathy dictates I should really be feeling nervous, or worried, or something like that about whatever's to come. I know for a fact I'm not as prepared as maannyy of my friends. But, I dunno, I'm pretty okay with that. The world's not going to suddenly be at large if I do bad on these tests. Life's gonna go on for everybody else. I mean, if we're immortal, where's the rush? I took a long hard think today and it's come to my attention that finally, after literally 2 years of feeling like I'm coasting, like I'm there but not, I feel a sense of resoluteness. I'm fine with anything that happens. We are just the universe's tennis balls after all. Tennis balls that together add uo to nothing but a handful of dust. This isn't hopelessness I'm feeling though, don't get me wrong. On the contrary, things have never felt more certain. There comes a point after being paralysed by fear so much that you get used to it. Resistant or whatever. When I don't say anything in class now, it's not cause I'm scared to open my mouth, it's just that I don't want to. And that's okay, I think. You're allowed to not want to do things. If you don't want to talk, then you should be allowed to not talk and instead just listen. If you don't want to walk and progress, then go ahead and sit down in the middle of the sidewalk. If you don't want to care, then go ahead and stop caring. Can things really be that easy? Maybe they can. Now that I'm so close to the end. 10 days in fact. That's when all the fun begins. Of course I'll prepare the way I prepare (not that that seems to be very effective judging from the past...), but it just feels like everything is going to be alright. Pass or fail. Win or lose. Live or die. The universe carries on. We're all just taking it for a spin.