Achievement

So, I beat Assassins Creed 2 today. And when i did that, i felt pretty good. Kind of like "yeah, this is great. I've accomplished something today." And the piece of shit world suddenly turned into a big rose tinted piece of shit. That lasted for about an hour. Right up until i remembered who i was and then had to interact socially within a large group of people.

2 people i can handle. 3, sure. 4, okay maybe it's stretching the comfort mark now, but still i think I'd be capable. But then there comes a point where there's a lot of people. And its not that i don't like being around all the people, i do. It's just it seems increasingly difficult to speak out and join one large-ass conversation.

So then i just kinda find myself in amidst all this talking. And it feels really hopeless and i just don't know what to do. So then i pretty much disconnect from it all.. Cause it feels reeaally stressful for some reason. One root of anxiety i just can't clip off. Unfortunately life isn't only a one-on-one conversation. Does that happen to anyone else? All my friends seem to be social butterflies though ahah.

But anyways, this made me wonder about what I've really "achieved" today. And really in the grand scheme of my life, not really anything. Its not like i made some huge social change with myself, or i did any homework, or anything like that! I just beat a good game that's 4 years old. And ya know, maybe that doesn't sound very impressive to you reading this now, and maybe it isn't, but i had fun doing it. So in my eyes, i think it's still an accomplishment. An achievement in the sense that I was able to sit down a few hours a week and carry on with something to completion.

I was gonna say this can sum up my life, but I'd be lying. Of Course I've given up on stuff before. Who hasn't? Sometimes futility can just be way too much to bear.

But screw dat sheet. I ain't gonna give up now. Im an assassin beeotch. Deal with it.