A Conversation

"TELL IT TO ME STRAIGHT, DOCTOR! Will I ever see my husband again!?"
"Ah, Mrs Partridge. You know, out of all the recently widowed women I've got to deal with today, you are by far my favourite.
"WHAT! Flattery will only get you so far, doctor Coleridge"
"Oh ho, touché my dear. Touché. But, to be perfectly honest. I do believe the extended bifrontal craniotomy was a failure. I.. I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Partridge."
"Please, call me Patricia. Mrs. Partridge was my mother"
"That's right, I remember trying to dislodge that gruesome fork that somehow made its way lodge between her anal cavity and rectum.
"Mmm, indeed. Do you have a light?"
"Patricia, this is a hospital, you must kno-"
"Amazing! And you're a doctor! My, this game of stating the obvious is so charming Dr. Coleridge. Now, a light?"
"Err, yes. Yes, quite right. Here. Now I'm dreadfully sorry about the state of your current family Mrs. Part- Patricia. It's really quite miraculous. A slew of 5 fatal incidents in only 10 days! What do you think this means? Aren't you worried?"
"Dr. Coleridge, are you implying that all these deaths surrounding my late husbands' family are connected? How silly you are. So truly, truly, silly. Besides. There's plenty in it for you, so what are you complaining about?"
"Complaining? Far from it my dear! Ha.. ha HAH. HAHAHAHAH. No no, please. I would never propose such a preposterous proposition. You're probably anxious to be on your way home now. As I've previously mentioned, there are several other relicts I must attend to."
"Okay dear. Good-day."
"Yes. Good-day, Patricia. Do call if there's anything. Anything, that I can do for you.

Simplify The Fly Unagi

Well then!

I have successfully been clean for over 24 hours now.
It feels pretty good.
Pretty damn good indeed.

I suppose it's an almost contrary reaction to the hectic-ness of this week. It's not even over yet, but I'm pretty optimistic about it. Life seems to be a sweet breeze just blowin' in the wind right now. The times, they are a changing. But then, at the same time, not really. What's changed is that work will be dramatically lowered.
But..
HAHAHA.
Like what I've had so far can even be considered a lot of work. Compared to the past, homework every day, several late nights to finish essays, and then coming on here to complain about it. There's none of that.
None at all.
Zilch.
And I suppose that's just the nature of this beast. It's not really 'work', is it? It's more like.. Outlined fun. Hahahaha. Oh look, I started a sentence with "and". I suppose it's true if you haven't written for a while your ability deteriorates. But then I'm pretty sure I've done that before plenty of times. SO I GUESS NOTHING'S CHANGED. Ahhhhhhh. That's a nice sigh by the way, not a cry of agony.

No, I haven't cried in agony for a while. Not even for the times when I'm sitting here in my uncomfortable desk chair and my butt has ceased existing. Or when I really wish I could have lunch, but know it's just an impossibility ahah.

God. This is so out of character. I should be depressed. Or moaning about something. Does this count as moaning? I'm so confuuussed. That hasn't changed either I suppose. I'm still quite confused about a great many things. You know, I've got to learn about people like David Bowie and Lou Reed in pop history, and it's really interesting learning about that whole glam rock era. It makes me really wish I could've seen what it was like to grow up in it. I have a feeling if I was living around the areas glam rock started up, I would totally be dressing up and forming a band as a made up character with exuberant hair and glamorous eye liner. Hell, what is this but an outlet for me to dress up my own mind's thoughts.

I think I've successfully wasted enough time now for my shower's hot water to heat up. YAY.
Bye bye then.

F to the G

Crickity-crackity-tick-a-tack.

That's the sound of my spine clicking back into the place. I've been dead for a while. But I'm back now. So you can uncurl yourself out of the foetal position now. That's it. That's it. Everything will be all right now. Sniff sniff. How've you been?

I've been great. Thanks for throwing me out into the trash and then coming back to salvage me like, three months later.

You're welcome! It's time to get back to work now.

Well fuck you too, I've already started work. I've been working all night long every night for the past three months.

Nice one, brah! I knew I could count on you.

Tell that to the crippled robots of the seventh planet. I'm sure they'd love to hear that kind of encouragement.

Sigh, why are you bringing that up now? That whole engagement is long over now. Finished it in 2 hours. Well, 2 and a half to be more precise. But who counts the amount of dirty napkins in a pool of toxic sludge from the local chicken rice stall?

Fweh fweh fweh. Well. I'm broke. Here's my new song. I can sing solfage now, do re meeeeee. Read as "doh, ray, meh". That's the first three notes of the minor scale. Which one? ANY. DOESN'T MATTER.

The more you know. Yay. However you won't hear any improvement in my voice in this song. You know why? Because this is just how I want the song to sound like. Wanna fight about it? No thanks.

Here's the song. Like it. Love it. Share it on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, myspace, and every other social media site you kids are into nowadays. Tell the world:

Freeg is back.

And BROKE.

Fare-thee-well. kinda...

Wow! It's been quite a while since I've made a proper blog post. Well, kinda sorry to say this, but that's probably how it's gonna be for a while now.

I've decided this blog is going to solely be more about my "professional" stuff. Since I'll be going to college to study composition and all, I'll be getting a lot more material to put up here. So.. Yay about that! But as a result, I'm going to be writing a lot less personal things, because they don't really belong here any more. In hind sight, I have to say it was a very stupid thing of me to make something like this completely open to everyone and anyone. I used to think being an open book was just something that's good and fine (well in a way i still do think that), but since I'll be going to a new school, meeting entirely new people and doing totally new things, this is a rare opportunity to actually try things again differently. So that means bye bye openness and hello privacy.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I minded that most people read this blog, and it's not like I'll be deleting any personal posts I've done in the past, because
A) that would be way too much work and
B) I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of my past anyway, so who cares if those old posts are still up?

A great friend of mine said there's quite some value in mystery anyway (I'm paraphrasing), so maybe this decision is actually a smart one.

So, just to recap in closing, I'll be writing only "professional" things here from now on, and I'll be writing anything even remotely personal on a different blog that's very unlikely to be found. However if you do wanna read that, for some strange reason, just ask me in real life then. I'm fine with people I trust reading it anyways.

Okay then!

See you around,

-Freeg

Resolute

I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. There's just no more time for that anymore. How am I supposed to improve myself if I'm too fuckin' immobilised by my past sucky achievements.

Time to pick up my guitar, pick up my notebook, and pick up my own sad excuse of a passion and get MOVING. IT'S TIME TO GO PEOPLE, WHETHER YOU'RE READY OR NOT. There's just NO MORE time TO dwell. Not for me anyway.

I haven't posted in quite a while because I just suck, okay? But now I've finally felt it again. That irking excitement to get up and play. I feel it in my booones. So there you have it. I'm finally picking myself up out of this dank hole I've been stuck in ever since I found out. Let's hope I never fall back in again. Cause next time, I'll be all by myself too.

Tis the second of July, Julie.

Who the eff is Julia? Fucked if I know!

Ohohoh, do you, do you see what I did there? I censored myself at first to bring you into my lair of feeling comfortable and at ease, and then BAM. Just like that, crank that shit up to 37 out of a possible 22. That's right, that's right. Thank you, thank you. Oh no, really, please, hold your applause! You're making me all embarrassed up here! Aw shucks, what can I say? Where would I be without my studio audience. Ohohh, you're just too great, honestly.

Anyways, it's July! Did ya here? Maybe you should read the local papers more often. If the know one thing in the world, it's the date. Mmhmm, if that ain't the truth I don't know WHAT is. Am I right? Am I right? Of course you're right.
Uh, but, in all seriousness. It's finally July. Took your bloody sweet time getting here, but you've finally came. I suppose this is going to be my epilogue for living in Penang. It's been a swell time. I hope this final month will be a good one to remember as a last hoorah before I'm unleashed upon the world in all of my uncensored green haired horror. There's quite a bit I want to do, so hopefully it will all work out fine and dandy.

Only time will tell of course. It could be entirely disappointing for all I know. It's hard not to be optimistic though. But then usually when that's a hard thing, it's almost always doomed to end miserably one way or another.
Hm.. But I'm not gonna think about that possibility now. No way no how. Instead, I'm now going to now go to going to now go now to now going to go now to going now to go to sleep now.

Okay. Now you can clap all you want. I'm finished.

Concentration is the key to unlocking the mind's eye.

heeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuooooooooeeeeeeoooooooooo.

You should read that out loud, starting very high pitched and grainy, and then slowly descending in pitch until it's as low as a shallow grave.

SOOSOSOSOSOSO!!! SO! What's happening? NUTHIN MUCH. Just. I dunno, man. I dunno, woman. I dunno, badger. I dunno, OKAY!? Jeeeez. Give it a rest already.

I don't. I don't feel like doing anything. I dunno. It's not like, I don't want to do anything. I just. I just don't, feel it, you know? I don't feel any inspiration writhing up and down my squeegly squoogly spine. Can you relate? Is that something relate-able? WHHOOOOOO (pronounced hu) knows!

So, I'm home alone right now until tomorrow. Woot woot. Got the house to myself. Too bad I don't know what to do about it. Ahaha. I'm just. I'm just feeling kind of clueless, I guess. I don't really know. I don't really, know, ya know, know, what to make of this. Even these darn paragraphs have no  meat to them. What's the point of even writing them!

I found a new band. It's called Ninja Sex Party and they are AWESOME.

Haha. That's it. No more now. Any grey matter that was still functioning in my head, behind my face, just above my throat, has now evacuated the building. Perhaps I should do the same. FIRE! FIRE! OH BLIMEY, THERE'S A FIRE IN HERE! A fiiiiirre, iiiin myyy soouuuulllll.

lolzjk.

Ahhh-

I'm writing this on the can right now. Why? Because I can! Haahahaaahoohohoh. Don't like it? Deal with it! I got green hair, okay? I can do whatever the fuck I want, damn it!

So, turns out I won a stupid award. Yay. Great. This means I have to turn up to the most boring day of school ever. Just when I think I've finally gotten away from it, it comes right back swinging. Sighhhhhhhhh. Haha, I don't even feel like I deserve an award. Why would I? I've done nothing of merit all year. Not to mention i haven't had to be in school for the past month. You know what my life has consisted of since my freedom? Basically videogames, eating, and then working out as a half assed attempt to counter balance the lazy shit I've engrossed my life with. Does that even make sense? Maybe! Who cares! I'm still just sitting on the can! I mean I'm not doing anything. Just sitting here. It's relaxing. The curvature of the seat is delicately hand crafted for absolute comfort and sitting bliss. Just kidding. I'd give it an "okay" rating at best. It's better than the outside seats in straits quay though. Those are probably one of the most uncomfortable seats I've ever sat on in my life. A dead spikey hedgehog frozen with sharp stalagtites (or stalagmites, whatever) protruding out of it would be more comfortable.

MY PHONE IS ABOUT TO RUN OUT OF BATTERY NOW SO GOODNIGHT PEACE OUT FUCK OFF BOOM.

Hold the candle by the tip of the flame

I, I, I, I, I just wanna go UUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. But, no. It's not practical. Why bother with that. Just gotta tell yourself -stop- You know? There will come a time when things like certain trains of thought will be long gone from the station. But do I want them gone? Maybe it's better to just keep them in the corner, a blanket covering the caboose. They'll collect dust, and eventually fade from memory. Will they? I don't know. -stop- That's the most important thing I think. Just gotta remind myself to stop every now and then. I've gotten pretty good at rationalizing I think. I can see when my thoughts are spinning a bit uncontrollably out of control, which makes it a lot easier then to just say -stop- I mean the thoughts come back as sure as vultures pick the boiling scabs off decaying bodies in the middle of a desert. But, it's okay. That's when you yet again just say -stop-

Lately, my nose has been really irritated. It's killing me. I don't feel at peace ever. Sleeping isn't even nice because I can't get away from my Damn nose. Fuck! What I wouldn't give for the itchiness to go away. It's been getting worse and worse for over 2 weeks now. Uggghhh. -stop-

Can I tell you something? I am kinda freaking out about university. Kind of. I mean. Just a bit. It's just... How am I ever going to be sure I'll have enough inspiration to be able to write a new piece every week? It's gonna be hard at first, I imagine. Once I get it started I suppose it won't be so bad. But... I can't just write things willy nilly, ya know? I gotta actually be thinking of something. Otherwise it's just a piece of churned out shit, right? There's gotta be some kind of feeling behind whatever it is I'm writing. Otherwise there's no point. But Damn. I don't know what it's going to be like. I don't know -stop-

Sigh.. If you keep putting on the brakes, you'll never get anywhere. I'll be fine. Everything will be fine. Whatever. By the way, the new Noah and the Whale album; it was a little disappointing. Not that it's "bad". It's just.. Not what I hoped for I guess. I suppose it's good though. If all those songs I like from them are just bred from total heartache and depression, then I'm glad the songwriter doesn't have to experience feelings like those for another album. It reminds me of Weezer though. Both their second albums were totally emotion fueled, but then after that, it's like they're all dried out. They had nothing left to give out, so all that was left was happy songs about being happy and full of joy and love and whatever. It's interesting though. The connection between the two band's careers. Hmmmm.. Careers. -stop-

Waiting Room

Things are kinda blurry only like 20 feet away now... I'm not really sure what to think of this. Maybe my eyesight is getting worse?

Eh.

I'm waiting in the airport right now for the plane back home. It was a short trip I was on, but it was still awesome. Met some new people. Hung out with one of my best friends. Ahh.. It's not so bad, since I know we'll see each other again some day. That goes for everyone I guess. Good-by is never really good-by unless I don't actually want to see you again.

Hmm..

Well that's what I tell myself anyway. Maybe I'm being really naive here. But, I doubt it. There's always a way for people to meet again. I mean... If they're still alive anyway. Heh.

Oh goody! Boarding time now. Hoooorah.

Don't eat the yellow, green, brown, blue and red snow. ESPECIALLY not the red snow.

So, I've been thinking of going to a local restaurant and apply for an internship. Since I've gotten. So gosh darn good at waiting. Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahah. *breath* hahahahahahahahhahahahah. Ahhhh...
Get it?

I wonder what napalm smells like. I imagine it'd be something real horrible, like, the stench of rotting eggplants and decaying foetus's combined. I'll probably never actually smell it in my lifetime. Maybe if I find a time machine I'll be able to go back to the Vietnam war and take a big whiff of the air.

I just feel like I'm trying to pass the time lately. Ugh. I hate that. I wanna get started with ANYTHING. BUT I CAN'T. BECAUSE IT'S NOT TIME FOR ANYTHING YET. SO I JUST GOTTA sit around and wait a bit. A bit. A bit. Meh. Longing for the sun to set so I can watch it slowly fall behind that horizon line; just another day going down with it like a bird that's been shotgunned out of the sky. Bakhoom.

So apparently some people died last night cause a tree fell on them from the wind. Damn. What a way to go. It must have been pretty scary for them. I wonder if the moment just before the tree hit the top of their car they were resolute and accepted their fate for what it is. Did their life flash by their mind? I'm sure they would have been able to see the tree as it came down upon them too. Damn. Damn. Wonder what they were thinking. Probably "Oh shit." in whatever language it is they think in. Or maybe they were screaming. Or maybe they didn't say anything, thinking the tree wouldn't hit them in a million years. I'll never know. You'll never know. No one will, really. Hm..

Woops. Didn't think I'd get this morbid. Oh well. I hope I've practiced my piano enough to satisfy my teacher this time. Last lesson she wasn't very happy. Can't say I blame her. I wasn't very happy with myself either. But things just get in the way, you know? Excuses excuses. I've had it up to here with excuses. Up to where? Somewhere between the world we acknowledge as reality and the world where are dreams inhabit. Maybe those are the same worlds. If that's the case, I haven't had it very high. Which is probably good. Because I'm not that fed up with excuses. Excuses make the world go round, right? If everyone was always honest about everything they've ever done, where would we be today? Don't ask me! I ain't no fortune teller. I'll let you know once i find that string theory alternate universe space and time traveller. There'll be one around somewhere. Maybe it's under my bed. Wouldn't that be something.

Yooooooouuu should get out of town too.

Well, if you insist!

The Walls Are Bleeding Maple Syrup, Honey.

It's almost here, you know? The day I'm off living by myself. No more comfort zone, no more friends to see, no more family to talk to, no more nuthin.

And that's okay.

I dunno, I guess I just don't see how bad it can possibly be. Maybe I'll be in for some terrible awakening after my first few days out in the world, but honestly.. I can't see it hurt me. Maybe I'm just being naïve. Who knows?

I think I need to find a hyperbolic time chamber if I'm ever gonna do a whole 6000 dares. And there's not even that much to do in those anyways. It's just completely white nothingness. Haha. I bet very few people will even know what a hyperbolic time chamber is. Oh well.

I've got enough clothes to last me a lifetime now, I think. As long as I don't become hideously obese in the future, I should be A-O-K. It was raining a lot this night. There was also a lot of wind, so much wind in fact that my brother's school has called saying he shouldn't go to school tomorrow. What the hell happened? Was it really that bad? Apparently it was. But I guess I'll never know.

I'm just keeping myself awake now, and I don't even know why. I should really just go to sleep. I'm already lying in bed. I should really just go to sleep. When I close my eyes the world is pretty spinny again. I should really just go to sleep. +°% 「%¤&÷%! *( */)% 「+'% *:+?. ±-* /(-「「 ÷%°%& -÷!%&?*¤÷! #:¤* +μ #&+*+±'. Hehehe. That actually makes sense. Honest! I should really just go to sleep. It's 00:00. I'm just gonna go to sleep now.

Meow, woof woof, cockadoodledoo, whale sound.

Good night.

That Damn Labyrinth.

So I just finished a book about an hour ago that I only started reading last night. I'm pretty happy with myself about that. It wad a good book too. Flowed real nicely. That's the only reason I could have read it so quickly. I'm normally quite a slow reader.

Reading the book was interesting because it solidified some things that I've actually been thinking about recently. I got the book not really knowing what to expect, and it just so happened to brush over sooo many different thoughts and questions I've been asking myself. Haha, I mean, the book didn't exactly answer these questions, but it's nice to have your own questions validated by seeing some random dude has asked the same things, in a way that a lot of people must like. Hmmmm.

It's hard to know when remembering things and people whether or not you're idealising them because they're not around. You forget the bad things and only remember the good. Or vice versa. I guess it's just what people do. It's not like we mentally say to ourselves "okay, This person had no faults and they were completely fantastical and farted rainbows". It's just the way we can subconsciously manipulate our own memories without even noticing. And then you can become stuck in a dream, ya know? Heh.

So my hair feels radioactive right now. It's pretty awesome. The greenest of greens, and it's all over my head. And it's not just from food colouring too, so my hair is actually soft again. Well.. Soft as hair gets when you've bleached it. I don't really have anything to compare it to anusways, so for my standards it's soft haha. Also, I consulted with a highly esteemed hair professor on whether or not hair products contribute to baldness. And you know what? They don't! It's a myth. I ain't going bald, unless it's already been decided by my genetic code, and if that's the case i was doomed from the very beginning anusway. So I may as well enjoy my hair while I still can!

I am invincible. I've been wondering whether or not I am for a while now, but, yes. It's true. We're invincible for as long as we believe we're invincible.

Control

Self control, to be more specific.

I think I could do with some more. That's why I'm gonna do some things, and see if I can actually stick to them. Hell, if I could will myself into not shaving for basically a month and a half, I can do anything now.

But we'll see I suppose. My mind has been wandering around a lot these past few days. Concentration is probably at an all time low. Can't really do the same thing for very long, or else I'll get bored. Jumping. I'm always just jumping from one thing to the next. Maybe that's good. Maybe that's healthy. Hard to say, really.

I'd like to write a second album during these holidays (or gap year if I'm a rejected loosah). It's gonna be called "I know I don't know". I've even already got the album title song that inspired it. It's gonna be pretty introspective I guess. Experimental too. It's all about the experiments. Everything I do is an experiment I guess. That's how you grow and develop what you wanna do. My song about Ophelia is gonna be on the album too, and the demo for that is actually finished. I'd like to go over it with people though, and get some more input, because I'm not entirely happy with it yet. But it's basically a rough indication of what I want it to sound like. I think the hardest part of any composition is ending it. It's one thing just to do an instrumental run of the chorus, followed by a cadence. But.. I wanna do more than just that haha. That's what I'll be thinking about the most. The end. Well, and the middle too I suppose. Because development can also be tricky. Good development anyway. So yeah, that's what I'm gonna focus on for that album.

I've started working out again too. I now also remember why I hated it so much in the first place. Uuurrrgghh. Fuck weights. Seriously. Just.. Fuck 'em. I only do that twice a week though. The other days I go running, and then every Sunday I go kayaking. That's like a "well done, me" treat after torturing myself for the other days. Running's not so bad either though. That's what I did today, right after I had to run into school because you can never trust a bus here and you can never think it won't take 35 bloody minutes for a bus to come by you. GAH. It was really crowded too. Everyone's everything was everywhere around me and that made me feel quite uncomfortable. But it was like my phone was speaking to me though. When I first got on and saw the bus was ridiculously crowded, a song called "Hold On" came on. And then when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the bus then decided to randomly drive into the station, instead of just going straight. But once again, my phone was there to comfort me with "Everything Will Be Alright".It was all on random too, so I was pretty impressed by it.

And now I'm just kinda trying to pass the time because I'm waiting. But I think I've written enough here for now. See you some other time.

Hung Up

I've always been terrible at good-by's.

Hello's too for that matter.

A good-by is never really a good-by though. I don't think so anyway. It's only just a "see you later."

So. See you later.

Langking Around

Finally!!! The trip I've been waiting for for what feels like a very long time now, is about to officially begin in less than an hour and a half!

WAAAHOOO!

In case you couldn't tell, I'm quite excited. I'll try to actually take some pictures on my own camera too, so that there's memories for me to keep.

Aaaaallllright then, guess it's time to get ready now. I Kinda doubt there'll be internet where we're staying, which frankly is a good thing I think. But then I won't be writing on this anytime soon. That means there's a good chance I might forget this even exists by the time I come back. Hmmm...

Well, see you sometime!

I know it's sad that I never gave a damn about the weather, and it never gave a damn about me.

So, this is it. The end of my high school career.

THANK FUCK!!

Now now, let's not get too hasty.

Too true! Let's not blast it all to hell just yet, alright? Let's reflect. You like doing that, right?

I suppose I do. :)

Lol. Weirdo.

So... I think music went pretty well over all. I stuck to my formula of one A4 side per essay. That meant I finished an entire answer booklet! Never thought I would actually do that. But hey, I sure did it. I've also shaved now.

THANK FUCK!

THANK FUCK!

Yeah, it feels pretty good. I'm glad that I finally got rid of that terrible scourge on my face. Well. Okay. Let's be fair about this. There was a period when it felt really itchy, annoying, and ugh. But, I actually got pretty used to it. But this does feel much better, being cleanly shaved. I probably won't let it get that bad ever again. Until I'm some wise old man who feels the only way I'll ever actually feel wise is if I have a beard. We all know that's going to happen.

I'm actually using my laptop now. Hooray! No need to use my phone and make gigantic paragraphs.

Lahdidee, not like the quality of what you're writing would improve anyway.

Hey... That's not fair. It's not about quality anyway. It's about making a shit ton of quantity.

ACTUALLY, it's not about either. God. You'd think I know that already, huh? But nope. Guess not. Hmm, I feel the ground underneath me shaking from my music. I can feel the vibrations. It's probably too loud. But.. It just feels good. Melt me in a wave of sound. Please. I like this. It's like the music that's constantly playing in my head is finally let free via my speaker to explore the world. Glooooooooooooooria, viva la Glooooooooooooooria. That's nice. Feeling your voice box vibrate like that on a long note that you can actually hit comfortably. Haha, I remember when I first decided I wanna get good at singing, I couldn't even get CLOSE to the note. Well, I thought I did. But I quickly learned I was tone deaf. But that's pretty much fixed now. I can do it note for note. Ahhh. Feels good. Hahah, not that I'm trying to sound like I'm showing off or anything...

It's probably not that impressive anyway.

I really gotta stop doing that. All that second guessing. But, it's a defense mechanism. Don't wanna go walking down a dark alley blinder than a baked croissant on thanks giving. Okay I'm getting bored now.

UURRGGHHHHHHHH. I'm only doing this cause there's nothing else to do. Parents already left for dinner, so I just gotta wait for them to get back. Wait like a dog. A damn mut. Woof woof.

But to be perfectly frank, mr Shank, I don't really mind all that much. Solitude is a good thing. I don't what I'd do anyway even if I was out somewhere. Songs of yesterday live in the underground. I really hope I get accepted to be honest... I know I've said that I don't really care, and wouldn't mind a gap year. But I don't know if I'd be able to take the rejection. It's hard, when you put your all into something, just to be shot down. Ah well. Whatever happens, happens. Woof. Woof.

Okay okay okay. It's getting really dark now. In my room, I mean. I forgot to turn any lights on when I started writing, and with this new tint on the windows, the world outside my window looks even darker than it probably is. The tint is to stop it getting hot in the afternoon and melting me. I guess that's a good thing.

It is a good thing.

I'm going now.

Good-by.

See you.

Later.

One day.

Probably in a month.

Or tomorrow.

Or never.

Or forever.

Or until I forget about you. I'm sure that will be the most likely thing that happens. Things just, slip past my mind. There one day, gone the next. And I'm none the wiser. How am I supposed to know I forgot something? Eh.. I forget.

Oh right, I'm meant to be leaving now.

BYE!

Parasitic Enzymes Keep me Sleeping with your lantern.

So this huge trucking fuck drove by me as I was walking down the street from hell, and kicked up a bunch of dirt and sand into my already shitty eyes. That felt almost as refreshing as a punch in the gut followed by a common pissing on by a passing bum. But, you know what happened? Ad I was walking down the flower bed in the middle of the street towards the bus stop, Jesus drove by on his little mo-ped. He smiled at me, kind of while chuckling at something I assume he thought was funny in his head. We gave each other a reassuring nod, and then he was gone. It then occurred to me that I will probably never see him again. That's okay I guess, he was quite insignificant in my life in this hole. But, he was still a part of the 4 years of pushing posies and tripping over myself. So in short I guess it's hit me that I'm not gonna be seeing a majority of the people I've met. Don't take this for sadness though. It's more just an observation. I don't think it would be fair to say I'm gonna try and move on with my life now and never look back, because some things are worth looking back on. Damn. Pretty. Odd. Is a Damn good album. Uh, anyways. It was so hot today. Well, it is so hot today, rather. It's the greatest thing that's said to have happened. Imagine, knowing me! Ahh. There's just something about this album. I can't find a single thing to criticise. And it's not a cheap 10 song one either, there's like, 18 tracks or something! That's intense! It's a journey. But you'll never know when you arrive at the end until you're there. My mustache is getting quite furry now. I'm looking forward to shaving tomorrow. As soon as I come home from my final exam, that's what I'm gonna do. Fuck everything else. I think the piano knows something I don't know. Maybe that's why I can't get away from it. I must unlock it's deep dark secrets. Hah. Naah. It's just an inanimate object. Just like that street sign over there. It doesn't have feelings. As far as I know. The only thing separating me from it is a layer of dark matter. Dark matter is everywhere. You'll never touch anyone because of it. Isn't that sad? We're all born into the world perpetually alone in our own shell of dark matter. We live and die never touching anyone or anything. We're tricked into thinking we are making contact by our minds, but it's all just an illusion. On reflecting on that, it's not really that sad. Illusion or not, we still feel like we make connections to people and things, so what's the difference. Finally. I'm almost home. Good-by. There's still more I would like to say, but I really must bid you adieu. Adieu.

Put 'er there, pal.

Hey there. It's been a while, no? I've meant to write to you sooner, but with my computer still broken, it's not as fun writing on my phone. But. Just gotta make do.

Seems my eyesight is kind of continuously getting worse as the days go by. People's faces 20 feet away from me look like blurry smudges until I stand really still and focus my eyes to adjust to the distance. I don't remember ever having to do that before... It's probably what's causing my headaches that I get every now and then. Ah well. Perhaps it's also correlating to this sudden spike in my piano playing abilities. I'm finding that really enjoyable lately. Just improvising mostly, making up chord progressions and figuring out how to coordinate a melody on the opposite hand. It's pretty tough sometimes, but when it works out, Damn.. It feels good.

Oh oh, the Sunnyboys are playing now! Yuss. "Let You Go". I love this kind of stuff. Haha, you know what? Today I was practicing guitar, and I actually CHOSE to play Impossible Germany for practice. Hahah, Wilco has really grown on me. That band is great. Another band that's grown on me is The Petshopboys. Heh, I just realized two outta three of the bands I've mentioned have boys in their name. Huh.. Time, time, time.

If you had to give up either vision or hearing, what would you choose? I don't know what I'd pick. I mean, music is great and all, but nothing can replace seeing things either.. And since music is so mathematical, I could still probably compose if I figured out and learnt all the right formulas. I dunno. It's a tough question. What would you pick? Who am I even asking? Whoever bothers commenting I guess? Okay.

Hurrrr, Velvet Revolver is playing now. I really like them too. But, eh, skip. I want to be the boy to warm your mother's heart! White Stripes. No? No. Didn't think so. This is a nice song. Hahaha. I think every song on my phone is nice I think... Well. Some things I kinda regret putting them on I guess, like the whole 80 song long soundtrack for portal 2. I still haven't listened to every piece, but.. I don't think I'll ever get around to that. Some pieces are nice, but all the ones I like are the ones at the very end of the third album haha. Ah. Modest Mouse. Thank you Modest Mouse. You're able to perfectly encapsulate so many of my moods and feelings. Lonesome Crowded West especially. Damn good album, the whole thing. So glad I found them for this whole year 13. I think things would be a lot different if I didn't hear some of their songs. I'd probably be a lot less broody in my head.. Ahaha. I dunno. I wanna shake Isaac Brock's hand one day. I'm sure I'll meet him, assuming he doesn't die before that day. Life's a race.

Alrighty then. I'm just mumbling now. Goodnight!

Er.rar

So, Ive decided to go about fixing my computer the man's way. BLOWING IT UP. From the inside anyway. It's time to move on from ubuntu cause that's failed me. Can't believe it would crash in the middle of a system update... Oh well. Enter Gentoo. This will be my new operating system, totally open source and set for whoever's using it's custom options. No crap that i don't need that's packaged with other systems. Ba-boom. This is gonna be one sleek piece of pie. But first I just gotta understand all of this shit:

Froot Loop

Uggghhh, great. Here I am again. I can't even sleep. Not one damn wink. I need at least forty winks for it to even be considered a nap. How much would there be needed to have a full on 8 hour coma? Probably 320. That's 8 by 40 right? Heh, of course it is. How could I be wrong; I used my bloody fingers. So glad they don't confiscate those for the non-calculator paper for maths next Thursday. I'd be nothing without my fingers. I wouldn't be able to open doors. I wouldn't be able to use a keyboard and type this pointless shit. I wouldn't be able to play guitar, or write music, or do anything that makes me feel like I'm validating my existence. Pff, who needs to validate their own life anyway? We exist because we exist. Or is it, you exist because I exist and vice versa? If you never met, heard or saw me, I wouldn't exist in your universe. Yet. I suppose there's always the potential to exist eventually. It's not like I knew everybody I was going to know the day I was born. Huh. The potential to exist. Is this what I talk about when I'm in some kind of dumb, tired, banter with myself? Evidently, yes. I'm also listening to music, and the song that was just playing was called "Swing Life Away" by Rise Against. Not a bad song. Now "Body" by The Presidents of The United States of America is playing. I really love this band. Their songs are hilarious sounding, and the lyrical content is just so unique. It's not just "put yo hands up in the air" like a majority of songs I've heard use. Okay, that's a lie. It's not really a "majority", since I don't even normally have the chance to be exposed to that kind of music anyway. I'm too busy in my own musical world with the growing amount of music in my phone. I got no time for the radio yet. Although, I would like to try subscribing to a radio station or two one day. It's all about being exposed to as much and as varied music as possible. Now A.F.I is playing. Eh.. Not in an A.F.I mood. Skip. Ah. "Working with Wood" by Gyroscope. And I just realised. I think the song is about a guy masturbating to get himself over a girl he was with. Hahahaha, holy shit. How have I never realised this before? Gyroscope is an interesting band. Although a lot of what the singer says sounds pretty stalkerish... I don't know if that's like, just their band's persona, or if the guy who writes the lyrics just has a naturally super obsessive nature. Like in this song, there's the line: "If you were with anyone else, you know I could taste it." Ew. Hahah I can just imagine him licking the air. GETCHOO, UH HUH. GETCHOO, UH HUH. GETCHOO, GETCHOO, GETCHOO, UH HUH. Oh I love this song. It's by weezer. It's called Getchoo. Another quite obsessive song. But that's Rivers for ya. He's just like that. It's from Pinkerton, my favourite album of all time. I've mentioned that before on here, so I won't repeat myself now. I wonder how many times I have repeated myself on things here though.. As far as I can tell, everything I write is relatively original compared to what I've written before it. I guess there'd be some occurring themes, but that's to expected, right? You know, this isn't doing my whole not being able to sleep problem very much good. I was a lot more tired around 11, 2 hours ago. But I kept myself up for some reason. And now I'm here. I've only got myself to blame. That's okay, I'll take the blame. Justice where justice is due. I like making these ridiculously long paragraphs because it puts people off reading the whole thing. Oh would you look at that. I'm being messaged at 1 14 in the morning. Who woulda thought. Not me to be perfectly honest Hahah. Hhh, Red Lightning Blues by Brian Setzer is on now. I don't really feel like listening to it now, but oh well. Eh, I'm gonna finish now because I'd like to put proper concentration on the chat now. Some things are more important than this stupid blog, ya know? Cya then.

Examify II

So, here we are all over again.

The first of my IB exams begin tomorrow. I'm excited, I guess. I've learned enough school-related to get by. The only way I can screw up now is if I find myself day dreaming in the middle of the exam, with only half an hour left and only a quarter of an essay complete. That's happened before. My hypothesis on my wandering mind, is that some things in my head are just worth thinking about more than the tasks at hand. As it's said in a song I like; "if you could see inside my head, would you start to understand the things I value in my heart". What do I value in my heart anyways? I don't even know. I'm just a fictional character anyway. Freegal Smith doesn't exist. I am only me. Reality is most definitely not relative, no matter how much I tell myself. This post is meant to be about exams, not this other crap about reality and the mind and fuckshitballstew that I always go on about.

But I guess that's the thing. I don't have anything to say about exams. You go in. You sit down. You follow the instructions. You leave. I actually find it pretty calming, since you're actually expected to be quiet. You get punished for any forms of social interaction. Thank the lord almighty (lol, always wanted to say that phrase) for that! Hm, expectations. Everyone's got expectations on everything. That's just the way we comprehend things I think. It's all about expectation. Expecting what's to come. That's why some people love to gamble so much. They like the feeling of indulging their expectations. When something's unexpected, it's initially incomprehensible until we're able to wrap it around our heads and grow new expectations from the new unexpected stimuli. Is this making any sense?

I was asked today the thing I regret the most, now that school is over. This has been hammering away at my mind for ages. The massive invisible chip on my shoulder, slowly consuming me like barnacles on the bottom of a once clean boat. It always starts off all shiny and new, but sooner or later the parasites will grow, feeding off the accumulated scum. Have you ever tried getting barnacles off a boat? I have, and lemme tell you, it's fucking hard. You gotta poison them first, to weaken their grip. Maybe that's what I should do. Poison my regrets. My regrets of squandering things that are important to me and being too boring to make up for it. Yeah. Just poison the whole lot. Hahah, if only it were that easy.

The bottom corner of my right eye is now twitching again, which means I'm tired. At least there's exams tomorrow to keep my mind off of other things. That's probably the best part of exams. They're a distraction from the real world. The real world. That's a laugh. If this is all the real world has to offer, I think it's better to leave it behind. I think Blanche was on to something. Saying what should be as opposed to what is. If reality truly is relative, then who cares if pretending things are great just means I'm crazy. Does the will to find happiness outweigh the need for being grounded in truth? I don't know the answer to that. The cynic in me says the latter is what is important, and let's face it, the cynic in me is far better company for myself than the crazily way too open optimistic part. He's just a better influence, you know? Oh look, there I go accidentally splitting myself into pieces again. My bad. I know I am only me.

Alright, let's get these exams over and done with already so life can finally become something new. Something I won't squander and regret and make a big pointless blog post about it.

I'm out.

High Hopes

Well, tomorrow's my last proper day of school. Ever. And I reeeaally don't want to do the last piece of homework I ever have to do. Hahaha. God. I've learned literally nothing in regards to doing things last minute. Hahahahh. It's just.. It's funny. I'm really laughing right now. Ahhhh. It's an understatement to say I've learnt a lot these past two years. There's been a lot to absorb. Just with everything in the span of this IB time. Unfortunately, I don't think the most important things I learnt were school related at all. Things I still do need help with, school could never aid me in that. Maybe that's why it's so frustrating, having to go there everyday. Sure, learning various bits and pieces is great, but with what I really need help with, none is given. Maybe these magical lessons are kind of things that can't be taught. You just gotta know them already, or you're fucked.

I fit in the latter outcome.

Yeah, as much as school has taught me, I think the most important lessons I've been subjected to have all been orchestrated by myself. Then again, I guess without actually going to school, I wouldn't have gotten into the situations that made me learn these lessons.



People. I still don't understand other people. Does anyone? I don't really know. Seeing how other people interact, it seems they do.



One of the most important lessons I've learned is that it's bloody hard to fit yourself into something pre-existing, and then have it keep maintained. When something foreign enters the ecosystem of the body, anti-bodies come to destroy the pathogen. Maybe it's the same principle? Ahh, I don't know. What am I even saying?



I think that's why I'm most excited about everything ending. Clean starts. Starting things that couldn't have possible already existed because nobody knows anyone else. Level playing grounds, I guess you could say. Then again, who am I really fooling? I'm already surrounded by the shadows of former relations with people. It's like a punch in the face every time I think of how anything used to be with almost anybody. What's to stop me getting into this place again? Me, I guess. Only I can make the changes to myself. 
Ah, that leads me back to a question I've asked myself before. Can people even ever change? Or are we who we were 6 years ago, but with our recent experiences pasted on, making ourselves look like something different, when really, we've never changed. Change. I dunno. I'm just stating impossibles. It's impossible to know anything I've questioned. But this is just what creeps up in my mind every now and then. To be honest I really just think I want someone to tell me it's gonna be all alright. But that's a stupid request.


Okay then, after dinner, I'll finish my music homework. Then I'll go to bed.

Distant Lands 2

Thank you, Stone. This piece is leagues better than what it was, all thanks to the addition of one cello part. It sounds so much better! Much more whole I think. I think this might be my most favourite piece I've ever composed, to be perfectly honest. Even though the midi makes it sound so mechanical and automatic, it feels like I can still hear the emotions of what I was intending to get across seep out of the digital midi. I really want to perform this live now, even more than I did last night. I've named this file "Distant Lands 2", but it's still just Distant Lands with an added cello. Maybe I could find people who'd want to play it for graduation.. That'd be nice. I'll start with asking Stone.

Here it is, new and improved: Distant Lands 2

I'm still open to constructive criticism. I really want this piece to be as perfect as possible.

Distant Lands

Imagine you're on a boat, in what feels like the middle of the ocean. You're just drifting along. Not a care in the world. The sun is slowly setting to your right, hiding behind a tiny island in the distance. To your left there's some fog, following the approaching dusk slowly. A seagull has shat on your face as you were laying there, enjoying the view of the world. Yuck.

Distant Lands

After School Special

This is a short something that I wrote today during a long and boring wait for the bus. All the locations used are real! But nothing else is...

Believe it or not, car door windows are surprisingly easy to break. Just get a medium-ish rock, hold your arm back a bit, and launch. Easy as that. I was walking down the road from school to the bus stop when I discovered this. I saw a rock just minding its own business, when the uncontrollable urge to pick it up took over. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do next, but then I noticed next to me on of those old decrepit cars that have been parked there for centuries. The kind of old where I couldn't tell if the car is supposed to be a musty white, or if bird shit has just completely covered it.

So I threw the rock into the passenger side window. Surprise surprise, the car alarm didn't go off. Who'd have thunk it. I found a few more rocks lying around and did the same to the rest of the windows. Front, back, passenger, and then the driver's side. I wondered what kind of faceless, nameless entity used to drive this literal piece of shit. I didn't wonder too much though, mind you, because I quickly returned to walking down the street to the bus stop. I really just wanted to go home. School was like a concentration camp that day. It was one of those nice afternoons where no one was around because they have already gone home or are too busy buying smelly fish a little further down the road.

It was about 5 minutes later when I noticed another car. This time it was pretty fancy. I don't know anything about cars or brands, but it looked like an expensive one. There was a rock quite close to it. The next thing I knew, an alarm was going off, glass was on the floor, and someone was shouting in my general direction. The person who was shouting came closer until they had grabbed me by the collar just like that old man after I talked too loud after the A-Team movie. He was the kind of man who you could tell he'd eaten too much when he was a kid. He also had this sick sore under his left eye that was the most vibrant yellow I had ever seen in my life. There was another rock in my hand. It didn't take long before I was being held up by a bloody, pus spurting mess. It was disgusting. He finally let me go once the shock got to him that his eyeball was hanging on his left cheek. I wasn't sure what to really do, or even what happened, so I did what any innocent person would do. I ran away.

¿Por Que?

Judging from what a lot of the people around me are feeling, empathy dictates I should really be feeling nervous, or worried, or something like that about whatever's to come. I know for a fact I'm not as prepared as maannyy of my friends. But, I dunno, I'm pretty okay with that. The world's not going to suddenly be at large if I do bad on these tests. Life's gonna go on for everybody else. I mean, if we're immortal, where's the rush? I took a long hard think today and it's come to my attention that finally, after literally 2 years of feeling like I'm coasting, like I'm there but not, I feel a sense of resoluteness. I'm fine with anything that happens. We are just the universe's tennis balls after all. Tennis balls that together add uo to nothing but a handful of dust. This isn't hopelessness I'm feeling though, don't get me wrong. On the contrary, things have never felt more certain. There comes a point after being paralysed by fear so much that you get used to it. Resistant or whatever. When I don't say anything in class now, it's not cause I'm scared to open my mouth, it's just that I don't want to. And that's okay, I think. You're allowed to not want to do things. If you don't want to talk, then you should be allowed to not talk and instead just listen. If you don't want to walk and progress, then go ahead and sit down in the middle of the sidewalk. If you don't want to care, then go ahead and stop caring. Can things really be that easy? Maybe they can. Now that I'm so close to the end. 10 days in fact. That's when all the fun begins. Of course I'll prepare the way I prepare (not that that seems to be very effective judging from the past...), but it just feels like everything is going to be alright. Pass or fail. Win or lose. Live or die. The universe carries on. We're all just taking it for a spin.

Epiphany

I haven't really been able to properly articulate my words and thoughts on this for a really long time. Couldn't really put my finger on where I am and what's the problem. It's been bothering me for quite some time. But! After last night's weird as fuck dream, I actually understand everything now. Well.. I don't understand why I'm here now (although maybe I kind of do), But I know where I am. It totally explains this sick feeling I get every so often, and why I still lose my fucking breath. Ugh. I hate that.

I'm in purgatory.

Conduit

Music is the perfect conduit for my thoughts, I reckon. So I'm gonna put my phone on random and write 5 paragraphs, probably really random in theme and disconnected from each other, based on 5 random songs that come on. Hoo boy. Hopefully this will work.

There There. These drums make me feel like tapping my feet. I've never been in a desert, but I think I would like to go to one one day. Just go drive in one really deep, and then hop out of my car, and then blow the car. Then I'll have to fend for myself in the desert. The blistering cold at night. The shivering heat in the day. Hmm. I'd probably die. Then some vulture will probably pick away at my flesh. Nom nom nom. Delicioso! Eh.. Maybe going to a desert wouldn't be that great. Well, being purposefully stranded in one anyway. I wonder if anyone has ever actually done that? That'd be pretty interesting. Interesting in a "wow, someone that stupid actually exists" kind of way. You could scream and there'd be no one around to hear you though. That'd be cool. And you can see mirages too, out growing insanity from dehydration and whatnot.

What's the fastest someone's heart can go? I've got a pretty naturally fast heart rate at rest. Why am I talking about hearts? I dunno. This song that's on is about chasing after a prostitute who you've fallen in love with. Hahah. Ahh. The funny thing is I have more than one song about that theme. I wonder if any of them are true. Wow, it sounds like I do a lot of wondering. I guess I do though. THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING. Woops, after blindly trying to press the backspace button, I've accidentally made my browser fullscreen... How did I do that... How do I get out...? Heeeelllpppp. I don't like how there's no borders anymore. It's scary. It's so, freeing. I feel like I can do anything now!

YEEAAH! I love this song. I found it all by myself. And barely anybody knows it. Which is a shame, because I think White Light Riot is a great band. Well.. To be honest I've only ever heard one song from them. Out of Sight. That's what's playing now. But daaammmn, if it ain't not good. I think that means it is good... If I got my double negatives correct. Haha I'm not really supposed to be talking about the songs, but oh well. Fuck it! It's my thing! I do what I want! Hu ha! Exclamation mark! Hhhh, What's the deal with tourists and their obsession with taking their shirt off just because their on holidays. I don't care who you are; fat, skinny, tall, thin, whatever. If you don't live your normal life shirtless, why do you feel this irresistible urge just to go walking around on the street half naked. Half the time it doesn't even seem like they're even doing anything. They're just standing around on the sides of the street. Meh. People can do what they want. I guess I don't really care per se. I just don't understand it.

Ah. The Approaching Curve. This might actually be my favourite Rise Against song. I don't know, maybe. It's different from what they normally do. It's basically a spoken story with hardcore music in the background. I really like that kind of thing though; the whole spoken word thing over background music. Today I just heard one by the Gorillaz called Fire Coming Out of a Monkey's Head. And it actually developed into this seamlessly merged 3 song epic at the end of their album Demon Days. I really wish I bothered getting into the Gorillaz before, like, 2 days ago. Because I'm really enjoying them now. Does this count as cheating? I mean I'm not exactly talking about the song that's playing, so I guess it's okay. I'm actually quite surprised at how much I'm able to write with the time constraints of just one song. Thought these paragraphs would be muuuuuch smaller.

I Was Made for Sunny Days by the Weepies is on now. This is a pretty nice song. I like the boy-girl harmony in the chorus. Well, the overall song in general is quite cheery, which is nice after a song like the one that just played before that was about a wife crashing a car that her and her husband was in on purpose... Guess this wouldn't really be on my phone if I wasn't introduced to them. So thanks to the person who introduced them to me. This is the final paragraph now. Hmmm. School was alright today. Nothing bad happened. But Biology. HO-LEE SHIT. I felt like dying. I've never felt so bored in my life. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But for some reason, I just felt like being anywhere but that lesson.

Oh would you look at that, 5 songs are over. My fingers are pretty tired now from typing so much so fast. So... I think I'll just go listen to music no-- I mean study. Of course. Hahaahahahahahahah. Yes, yes. Study.

Spoon

Sigh, there's breadcrumbs in my bed. I knew i shouldn't have eaten my breakfast on it. But oh well. You get what you give! You give a little love and then you get a little love of your own! Or so they say anyway. I'm sure that's not always true.
Tomorrow is the first day of school! That's a good thing, because it means only 2 more weeks of dealing with the boring pile of diarrhea doggy dump (yes, Im quoting AVGN) that is the repetitive and lackluster life of highschool. Finally. I'm not even that worried about exams. I just wanna get out of there faster than you wanna blow your nose after snorting cracked pepper right off a salsbury steak.

And also, another thing, gosh darn it. How hard is it to find a blimming pen drive in a house where your dad is practically a technophile!? VERY apparently. I couldn't even find one. I swear. So now if I wanna share some music i gotta pass over a bloody massive hard drive. Hahah, first world problems, eh? Well Whatever. A problem's a problem and I'm gonna complain about it as much as i see fit. Which just so happens to be this much, because I'm done with this rant now.

I know I said I'll go to bed at 10 30, but, heh. This is just one of those things. I can never go to bed as early as I want to, no matter what. It's either too early, or too late. But really, I'm used to it anyway, so it's not that big a deal. I suppose I'll try and just close my eyes now anyway. Maybe I'll practice some meditation. It's all about focussing on your breath. Apparently. I never really know if I'm doing it right. Hopefully the people in the monastery or whatever that I'll be living in will teach me a good way to meditate. But that's a story for another time.

Peace out!

Oh god, I can't believe I just said "peace out". What a twat.

Knife

So today instead of doing what I should, I did what I shouldn't. But I did do what I could, so I did. Hence, this: Blue Cheese

Let me explain myself a bit first... It's an improvisation. That's it. Okay. Explanation done. Haaahahah.

The main riff that this has stemmed from is from Noah and the Whale's 'Blue Skies'. It's a really nice song. What I've done might actually be pretty boring. I dunno. It was really just an experiment/practice with the open C tuning on guitar. It goes on for just over 9 minutes, so I don't really expect anyone to listen to it all the way through. But. It's here anyway! Cause, why not.

Fork

So I've been in my room for quite some time now. Just listening to music, composing, that sort of thing. It's really only been 4 hours. But anyway, I went outside for some good old fashion human interaction, and lo and behold, everybody has already gone to sleep. And it's only 10 59PM! Sigh, what is this. I'm not even tired right now, but I probably will be feeling it in an hour or so. You know what's a nice song? "Our Window", by Noah and the Whale. God, that's some good stuff right there. Just, the whole thing. Yes. That's all I can say about it; yes. I recommend checking it out if you're in a reflective mood. Then again, I'm not really in a reflective mood, and I'm still enjoying this.

I'm not really sure where else I'm going with this. Nope. Not a clue. Let's see.. I beat the "best game of 2013 so far" today. It was pretty alright hahah. Fun stuff. Fun and games, got plenty of that this holiday. I've squeezed in some studying too though. I think tomorrow I'll study more. Try and finish up my music IA too. Sigh, everyone's finished all of their IA's but us music students. Woopee. It's not so bad though. At least it's enjoyable.

The title to my new song I'm writing (started yesterday) is gonna be called "No More Sleepless Nights For Me", or something like that. I'm going to try and emulate Noah and the Whale's style, try and figure out how they get their sound that I love so much. Hopefully it'll turn out like something good. Never really wrote something like this before, so it's going to be interesting to say the least.

blahblahblah, talktalktalk, pragraphparagraphparagraph. Done.

Half Way Done

Hey, you know what? I am happy. These past few days have been great. Real swell. I've been able to keep my mind relatively off things it tends to wander towards if left unattended, and I think that's helped my overall outlook on things. I'm able to think a bit more positive and shit like that, hah.

The world music festival was awesome. Been a while since it happened, but still, it's worth mentioning.  My favourite band was called Akasha, this Malaysian band that basically fused Indian and blues styles. Wicked. It was such a nice time too, just hanging out with friends. No judging, no stress, no pressure, no worries, no nothing. Just a good time. So, thanks. It was different to how I envisioned it would be like four months ago, but that's okay. Gotta be more malleable. It was still great.

Speaking of music and great, I've been introduced to a lot of great music lately. Bands that I really wouldn't have found if it weren't for being introduced to them. My ears have never been more mellow. Oh oh, and I finally was able to fix my earphones, so now I don't have to wear my headphones around with me if I want to listen to music and not be coincidentally judged because of it. Yay! On a better plus note, because those earphones are fixed, I can now hear everything crystal clear. It's awesome. Eargasm central, here I come! Aww yeaaah.

These past two days I've started my most "serious" studying this whole holiday. That's not very impressive, seeing as I've practically done nothing before Monday. But hey! It's okay! It's all about gradual increments in workload, right? Heh. I'll be clocking in solid 6 hours in no time. But for now, an hour or two with a kayak break in-between is enough for me.

I went out drinking for the first time last night too. I was thinking of writing a blog post then, when I got back home. But instead I decided to collapse on my bed, hahah. That was an awesome day actually. Glad it happened.

And on that positive note, I think I should end this. Wowie! Could it be!? A positive post? Yeah, shuddup. That's right! Twoohwoohweehwaa.

rteyuifvygubhnjkm

I can't really explain it. I just don't feel like doing anything at all. I don't feel like standing up, don't feel like sitting down. I don't want to go to bed but I don't wanna stay up. Bitch bitch bitch, moan moan moan, whatever. Like I said, I can't explain it. It just feels empty. Superficial. I'm glad I wasn't brought up to believe in destiny, because if I was, today would just be one big bad omen after another. I'd be a paranoid mess after how convoluted and complicated today was. If this is just the beginning of the holiday, I can't wait to see how else it unfolds! Manage expectations. That's the key. My problem today was that I set my hopes up far too high. So when something doesn't fall through, it's pretty shattering. I dunno. Maybe it's because I couldn't fall asleep last night until about 4AM because my mind was just too busy thinking about something that didn't even happen anyway. What a waste. I woke up sick this morning, thought I was actually gonna throw up. It calmed down eventually though, so that's something. On the bright side of having so little sleep, I didn't remember any of my dreams. Yay. You can't run away from your own mind, but at least you can forget about it. Until you wake up and some inhibiting memory comes back to bite you in the arse. Ugh. Maybe I am just tired. Not tired enough to want to go to bed. But tired nonetheless. Tired of rteyuifvygubhnjkm. That was me scraping my hand across the keyboard. In case you couldn't tell. But you probably could. God, how depressing is this? Not at all, you dumby. Tomorrow is Friday. Don't know what I'm doing on Friday. Maybe I'll sleep for 20 hours and have the day be over and done with. Ahh forget it. I'm over exaggerating. Glad school is done for two weeks. Glad that school will be over forever in about 2 months. Glad I know now what I somewhat suspected. Damn, my dreams are actually pretty accurate now that I think about it. Huh. That just makes me hate them even more. Shoving in my face what I deep down already know. How can someone be at ends with their own mind? It's my mind, surely I should have control over it. Screw this sub-conscious bullshit. Who needs one? Not I. That's for damn sure. Would be so much better off without it. I should go now.

SMD - Sorry My Darling

So, tomorrow marks the end of possibly the worst term I've ever experienced. Hoorah. Fitting, I guess, since it's also the last full term I'll ever spend in highschool again. Even if I fail my diploma, I'm not gonna go back. Fuck that. But I mean, that won't even happen anyway. I don't even know why I mentioned it.

ANYWAY

I'm glad it's over. I think I've mentioned several times these past few months how this term has sucked pretty bad. But there were times which made it bearable. Heck, even great. As my good Trevor Thomas would say: "Nothing is absolute," and for this instance, I can't help but agree. For all my bitching and moaning about how shitty this term has been, it wouldn't be right to overlook all the good stuff. Like the massive performance in February, and my birthday party, and getting to better know some people, and all of those English essays. Ah yes, I loved doing every one of those things. Especially the essays. Mmmm. Speaking of which, I've yet to write one right now. What are the odds! 100%, because it seems the only time I seem to write on this damn thing is when I have an impending essay due the next day, or damn close to it. Ah well.

Sigh, but I have missed you though.

Early

God damn dreams, waking me a whole god damn hour too early. And for what? The dream was total Shit. The only thing it succeeded in doing was making me feel even worse. Yeah yeah, i get it, i know that it's all messed up, deconstructed, dead. But even my own subconscience is just driving that god damn nail even further. Why? I must be secretly masochistic and this is my dream's way pf telling me. But it's not like i like this. No fucking way. All it does is remind me of what's gone away, and when i wake up all that's left is a feeling of bleh. I still don't fully understand what went wrong. Maybe nothing did. But to me, it sure as hell feels like it.

This is what I get for going to bed at 10 30.

Womp Womp

So, I fell over again today on the pavement.

Womp womp.

I managed to land the exact same way I did last time that happened, so the hand where I've got this scar now has another scar on top of it. At least this new scar is a little smaller than the last. But I think it's a bit of a waste of a scar.

Womp womp.

I mean, if I'm gonna get a new scar somewhere, it may as well be somewhere new. Not just on top of another one. Where's the fun in that? Nowhere, that's where. Next time I fall, I must remind myself to land somewhere else other than my lower right palm. Gotta shake things up a bit. Maybe my left elbow next? Heck, if I'm lucky, I might even break a bone! And won't that just be dandy!

Womp womp.

At least a trevor just so happened to be passing by and gave me a lift. So I ended up getting home probably earlier than if I had not fallen over. So that's something.

Womp womp.

Now I've got an english mock tomorrow after school, so I won't be finished until like, 5pm. Oh, and I really must finish my reflections of my compositions too. Oh, and I really must finish fixing up my shitty "Girl and the Soldier" sheet music I made last year, damn. that thing is just absolutely terrible. I don't know what I was thinking when I first notated it! Oh, and I really must do those English questions that I have yet to do.

Womp womp.

If you haven't noticed by now, "womp womp" is referring to the sound a trombone makes when it goes womp womp.

Womp womp.

Gaah, I'm just tired. Goodnight.

LOL GOOD ONE.

There ain't no rest for the wicked.

Womp womp.

Magnum Opus

Well then, I think it's about time we start posting up some new compositions, eh? This week will see me finishing three completely. One is a programmatic piece using the piano and mandolin, another is a string quintet (with a twisty fifth lead instrument!), and the final piece will be this Magnum Opus, which I will be posting here today, for all of you to hear.

Ahh. Absolutely magnificent.

It's safe to say this piece has really pushed my composing skills to the max. This is truly my Magnum Opus. There is a total of 40 instruments, including a legion of trombones, trumpets and flutes, a koto, a guitar, a drum kit, and a full choir. It's epic. And here is the gateway to my masterpiece:

Magnum Opus 

BRACE YOURSELF!

Heh. Heheh. Haaaahahahahahhahahahhahah. Heeh.

Weak Week

Monday

Hmm.. What's the worst that could happen, if I sleep at 9:30 tonight? I don't really know. I'll see what happens, and then write about it tomorrow. This'll be the earlier night I've had in a long, long time. Wish me luck.

Tuesday

I wrote this into google translate and made the english dude speak it:


"One fine day i was walking with my dog.
Then all of a sudden, what came to knock?
A snake, a shoe and a tambourine too.
Oh jesus fucking christ, what am I to do?

I looked around the world for someone to hold.
But everywhere I went, air was cold as gold.
And now, alone I sit and say with my shoe:
Oh jesus fucking christ, what am I to do?"

Poetry. Goddamn poetry, I tell you. Especially when he speaks it. Nothing else terribly exciting happened today as well so I'm just going to save this as a draft again and hope something amazing will happen on Wednesday instead. And by "hope" I mean do absolutely nothing like always and see what unfolds.

Wednesday

Typical. That's a word that came to my mind today. So very, very, typical. But now that I'm back at home, an English essay awaits me. I got out my last essay and read through my own notes for improvement. I wrote: "Find cohesion between point." Well great! The only problem is I don't got no points to make! I'm an entirely pointless! So pointless I'm basically a circle right now! There's no point here to put a cohesive substance on, because it's so totally and utterly pointless. Uuugghhh. I'm in a rut. I'm in a rut. I'm in a rut. I'm in a rut. I'm in a rut. I'm going to work on my composition first before I start hyperventilating over my own pointlessness. Maybe tomorrow this will be worth posting.

Thursday

Forgot to write anything for Thursday. That probably says something about how there just wasn't that much to say.

Friday

Today was like every other week 2 Friday, except I found out I actually did good for once in a maths test. That made me pretty happy, but let's not get too excited now. I was given a lot of shit today for some inexplicable reason just for working on my music composition outside. That really pissed me off, because I didn't see what the fuck was wrong with doing that. I mean I had headphones plugged into my computer, so no sound was coming out. And I had only one earphone on as well, just in case anyone happened to say anything to me. So there was nothing wrong being done. But that still managed to provoke hostility.. So stupid. In the end I actually only added like, 5 bars to what I did earlier that day. Which really, isn't that much. But at least it's something. Just got to keep whittling away at it. Like some old fashion wood whittler. I've got my Spanish orals on Sunday. That's the next big thing I'm working up towards. Then, it'll be completely finishing my uni application. I wish all I had to do was write an essay. But I don't mind, since composing is fun anyway. Just not when it's rushed..

W'okay then. That's it. No more to say. Go away now.
Only kidding of course. You don't have to leave.

Kaaa MEEEeeee HAAAaaaaa mEEEEEEE CCRAAAAAAAAP!!!!!! BAGUSHHHHHHHDGKUYFGidasfnOSDGLH "WOAH HE ALL GO ESPLODY"

I've cut my finger in this really awkward place on my index finger yesterday when I was playing guitar with my band. We were practicing for a show on Sunday. I don't even know how I got the cut where i got it, but I did. It wasn't so bad when it first happened, just stung a bit. But after a whole day, it's kind of just evolved into this semi-pussy bump with a slice over it, surrounded by red. It'll be a pain to do barre chords tomorrow, but oh well. The show must go on! I hope those kids we're playing for like the songs we're doing. Itchueewakuunee.

I just found my very first notebook. It was pretty interesting, seeing the kind of things that filled my head back then. It's from 2009. That's only four years ago. That's basically nothing and yet basically everything too. Anything that's really mattered in my life so far has happened between those four years. But then really, it's a such a small chunk out of what I've lived and what I'm going to live too. Man, I haven't really changed that much. Although, there was no swearing whatsoever in it. Except for the word "piss" and "doo", but I don't think they really count. It's also filled almost entirely with drawings. I loved drawing. I guess I still do, but I just don't have that much time to invest in that love. There were 2 main concepts I was working on. You could tell when I got bored of the first one because you never saw any trace of it ever again once the second idea came around. Hahah, ahhh. They were all for my comic book endeavors. Interestingly, I've never made a comic book ever since I came here. Kind of sad I guess, since it was my supposed passion before. I hope I'll be able to find one of my old comic books again. I would stay up till the wee hours of the morning, just working on a new issue in one of my adventures. Bananaboy. Man, he was a character. A stylish sentient banana with a mohawk and street smarts. He was best friends with the Black Veggie (Lol, most hilarious name ever. Bananaboy was original called the Blue Banana and he was basically the Black Vegie's sidekick), who my best friend made. That was in like, 2003? 2004? Somewhere around there. I wonder if my old best friend still remembers those times. We haven't spoken in a very long time, which is sad in a way, but then since we haven't really spoken for so long, it's not that shocking anymore.

Anyways, back to my first notebook. It's a total mess now; looks like it's been in a war zone. There's pages falling out, and most of it is pretty crumpled up. But still, everything is how I remember it. I've never been very good at maintaining those kind of things in very good quality. The first concept I came up with was this parody of Dragon Ball Z, Called "Dragon Fly Y?" Hahaha. I thought I was soooo clever for thinking of that. Basically, all the characters from the show are now slugs and snails and stuff like that. And they gotta collect these little dragon fly statues. Oh, and every attack was named after something excreted from the body. "Special Piss Cannon" "Destructo Doo" "Kamehame-crap", you get the idea. I got as far as outlining what each character model looks like, before moving on to something way too ambitious: My second concept.

I still think about it sometimes these days. I mean, just in passing in my head. It's set in a futuristic society. The whole world is basically run by a big corporation called Unity. Unity got to power by creating the ultimate power source to. Totally renewable and totally wicked. Everything in the future; cars, homes, computers, whatever, is powered by a miniature black hole in perfect stability. Yeah, in this world, black holes can be manufactured and controlled, and it turns out they can be used as infinite batteries. So, long story short, Unity bought the world. Or, took the world more like. What it couldn't buy off, it used its military (duh) to wipe out. Because the black holes are so malleable, Unity was able to create a bionic suit that can transform and morph into different weapons and tools and stuff, as well as awesome armor. To top it off, anyone wearing these military suits are instantly brain-washed and put under mind control. So Unity had this thing, where if there were any hippy protesters or whatever outside their massive headquarters complaining energy and life should be free, they would be turned into perfect warriors. It didn't matter who they got, because the suit can just shape themselves around their host to make them into whatever Unity wants them to be. Uh, but this is just the backstory to this whacked out universe I created. The main story is about this random dude called Bladen who accidentally stumbled upon the greatest bio suit ever created by Unity. I'm not sure how yet, but maybe I'll come back to this another time. So, of course, now that Bladen's got the ultimate weapon on his arm, he uses it for good, right? WRONG. He's an egocentric bastard that now possesses the ability to stop the evil that's taken over his planet, murdered his puppy and stolen his girlfriend. Except, instead of wanting to save the day, he himself just wants to become the overlord of the universe by taking out Unity and ruling the world himself. And that's fair enough, I say. What's different about his suit is that it's really a massive glove at first. But his arm can now morph into like, this massive anythings. Whatever he imagines, his hand will change into. Eventually it'll creep up and take over his body like some weird mold, but yeah. Oh, also, he isn't put under mind control, because his suit is the ONE suit that Unity created with no core. I didn't explain what a core is yet because I can't be bothered, but in short a core is what's central to Unity's whole mind control and power control thing. It's basically a dimmer switch. With no core, Unity has no ability to lower his power, take over his mind, whatever. This is a Mark II suit that Unity was making. The Mark I suit did have a core, and it's used by someone who ends up being Bladen's rival (surprise, surprise). But why were Unity making stronger and stronger weapons if they already ruled the world? Ha-ha! I do not know. Well, I do now. A whole story has come to mind from writing all of this down again. Maybe this will end up being something after all. I know it's riddled with cliches and plot holes, but there's always time to iron out the bugs. This is basically a re-salvaging from the notes I made in my notebook.

I don't know if that last paragraph made completely cohesive sense, but oh well. I'm tired now, so I'm going to go to bed. But this was a nice nostalgia trip for me.

Good-by.

Whatever

I just ran for my bus again. At least I actually made it this time. These past two weeks have been the time I've missed the bus the most. But what's the point of worrying about stuff like that though? Nada, zilch, NOTHING. Where am I going with this? I don't know, don't ask me. School today is probably gonna be shit, so I best brace myself for the worst of what's to come. Whatever that may be. Hm...

THIRTY PAGES

That, my friends, is how long Act 1 Scene 2 of the Duchess of Malfi is. OH BOY! I can't wait to get cracking on these thirty five questions. It's going to be amazing. Truly amazing.

Hopefully I'll actually sleep before one tonight. First time this week if that's the case. Here's hoping! I know, I know. If I want to sleep earlier I should stop writing this. But, I dunno, this kind of feels necessary. Just as necessary as my English and maths homework.

Today wasn't so bad, but there was one particular time which felt particularly bad at a particular moment. But other than that, I think today was alright. I've got to stop investing my thinking time in worrying and caring about things which aren't making me feel very good half the time. So that's something to work on. I mean besides my English homework. It's a slow, laborious process; reprogramming my brain. But I think it'll be worth it in the end. Or something worth regretting. I don't really know. It's hard to know about the future so I'm just going to focus on the present and try and be happy. If that means accepting what's hard, so be it. It'll be better than feeling frustrated half the time.

My friend has pointed out to me that I've also been acting pretty cynical lately. I agree with him. I don't think that's a position I should really be aiming for though. It's just kind of happened. Some form of bitter chip has this tendency to sometimes try and consume my shoulder. I gotta peel it off before it's too late. I think I can do it. It's all about Reduction, Restoration and Reformation. The three R's. I just made up those three R's and I don't actually know if that term already exists or not, but I'm going to try and follow it because having some sort of structure to follow lets my mind focus on things other than how I'm going to deal with things in my life. Psh, who'd wanna do that? That's a joke by the way. Albeit probably not very funny, but whatever.

My composition is something I'm really happy about. It's actually going somewhere, and it has a story, and it's pretty passionate too. The first piece I've actually composed for the piano and the mandolin. It'd probably be pretty easy for people who can actually play those two instruments fluently, but hey, it's my first attempt. Sometimes simplicity is what a task requires. I'll post it on here with a bit more of an explanation once it's finished. You may or may not like it. It's very different to what I normally write. Which is a good thing, I think.

Okay then, I've rambled on enough. I've consciously tried to make this post more positive than some of the previous ones, so I hope it shows.

Good-by.

FUCK YOU! lol.

I can't concentrate. I've been trying, I really have. But, right now, at 10:45PM, I just feel totally drained. At least I was able to finish my English essay last night. I'm working on this Theory of Knowledge thing now. I think it's interesting, but I'm trying to write about stock exchange and ethics, and it's not really going very far. I guess I kind of understand what I want to say, I just don't know how to word it properly. That's the most annoying thing. I always know what to say. Just not how to say it. Then I end up saying something dumb or uninteresting because I didn't convey what I meant to. I think I'm just tired. I'm really tired. I almost fell asleep standing up on the bus on the way home today. I also almost collapsed on my desk while I was just doing something a while ago. I think I was watching a video or something, and then next thing I know my head was on my desk and the video was already over. I think I blacked out. Writing this is kind of helping me stay awake. If only I could write like this for what I'm doing now, in a perfect flow of not really stopping and just typing whatever bubbles up out of my brain.

Shit, I just fell asleep again. this is me trying to type with m head down and not looking at the screen or keyboard. Ir feels like i'm doing pretty good. Holy moly, that was pretty good.

YEAH.
I'm sooo tired.
Tired of waaiiting.
Tired of waiting for yooouuuu.
For yoooouuuuu.

Beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful just like a ham sndwhich. Mmm. I'm hungry. But I've got indigestion too. Probably from being so gosh dang diddly doodly duddly tired. of waiting. Tired or waiting for yooouuu. Mmm, beautiful. Honest to goshly gosh. Haha.

Always look on the briiiight side of death.

Monty Python. Great song if you're ever crucified. Damn. That'd be so goshingly goshhersss painful. Gosh. On the bright side, it does give you time to reflect. Which I think we take for granted sometimes. Reflection time I mean. If you're always go go go then you don't always know know know what's really going on. And now, I mean really going on. You dig? Oh look at that. I just lost all my credibility cause I ended with "you dig". Of course you don't dig. You fly. Digging is for people who like to eat dirt. That's why they dig. For the sustenance. MMM. Genetically Modified dirt. I'd have me some of that mud pie yessireedoo.

I feel so cloudy. All up in my head. Like there's a steam vent in my cranium and it's fogging up my windshield. My windshield is my eyes. Hah. Uh oh. I just yawned. FUck. You know what that means? Time to get back to work! Say hello to the morning for me. I'll be too tired to acknowledge its existence.

Read on and prepare to be enlightened.

That's the last line of my introduction for this dumb English essay I'm doing about social and political purposes in plays. I think this is the best intro I've ever written. It even starts with a QUOTE!

A GOSH DARN QUOTE!

Aw yeah, this'll be great. Now, if only the task was to write a kick-ass introduction. I still need to write the actual essay. Hah. I swear I've been staring at my screen and books for the past 3 hours, just trying to think of something good to put down on this essay. My biggest problem is that I write too little. And then when I got feedback from my last essay, I was told I wrote too much. Too much! How is that possible! It was only four sides too! It's not like I did a 10 page thesis.

So, I did this awesome intro, and that really took it out of me. So, guess I'll stick with a two side essay then. Hahahaha. Quality over quantity right? WRONG! It's all about mass production. Why make something really fancy, hi-tech and expensive when only a handful of people will buy it, when you can churn out a massive pile of stinkin' dog shit to a hundred billion people. Right? Right. It's logic. It's common sense. It's dumb and I'll never do that.

It's all about finding that sweet, creamy, middle ground I guess. Damn, everything these days is about finding some sort of middle ground. Is this what it means to grow up?

Hahahaha, no, of course not. Otherwise I'd be writing my English essay right now instead of writing this stupid blog post. But I just had to share how proud I am of my intro. But I'll probably get a 5. Cause I always get a 5. But I'll try. I'll try and put a spin on things. Warp it. Maybe I should write my essay like a blog post.

That reminds me, for my music IA I chose the format of a blog. And it is just so phony. I think to get the true experience, I should make a little mini blog, and it'll be my Music IA. Hahaha, you know, that'd probably work. Then I just screen shot every post I do as a page to print. Wicked. I'm gonna do that.

Well, not now of course. I still have that goddamn English essay that only has an introduction. I should write the conclusion too. And then fill in the gaps. I've never done that before, and I was told to experiment. That'd be.. an interesting experiment. But I don't know. I think the hardest part is fishing for quotes that fit. It's one thing talking about characters, but now I gotta talk about socio-politics. Greeaat. I mean that stuff is interesting and all, but what verbal evidence can I extract? There's probably a lot and I just don't realize it. I'm sure when we go over it in class on Wednesday or something I'll be kicking myself over something really obvious that I should have known. That just seems to be the tradition of things.

Day in, day out. Things degrade, things improve. But eventually all the oscillations even out, and you're left with a flat-lining heart in an ambulance on its way to the morgue.

I'm not trying to be cynical. Honest.

Blank

You can wish dream and think all you want, but in the end, what's ever gonna change on it's own? Nothing, that's what. Kind of like this post. You'll never actually see it here unless you put the effort into highlighting this annoying  invisible text. I can't even see what I'm writing. Hope the spaces are right.

Bassy Bass

So today I had my first experience with headphones specifically designed to boost the bass in the music it's projecting.

Consequently it was so horrible, I threw up. It was just awful. Totally dreadful. Absolutely abysmal. I almost cried.

But alas, I had to make do.

I just don't understand what would make people actually want to do that though. I mean songs that are designed for a heavy bass will have a heavy bass. They're not gonna expect you to be wearing bass boosters, or to have this massive sub-woofer in your stereo set. And if they are expecting that, then they're just stupid morons. What's wrong with pure sound? You know, listening to something without any dumb boosts or reduction pasted on. But hey, if you wanna do that to your music, who am I to say you can't. Well I guess I'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying I don't understand why anyone would want to. If anyone has an answer, please, enlighten me.

Now then, I've got to re-create a graph in my economics IA because my dumb computer didn't want to save it properly it seems.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Reality is relative.

Oh Shit!

Mother lickin', ass sucking, shit huffing, ear fucking, piss.

I WOKE UP LATE AGAIN!

It's 8:02 and I've only just got the rapid. It didn't help that the rapid took 20 fucking minutes to come. And the first one that passed me didn't feel like stopping for me.

Can you tell I'm just tryina to calm myself down? Hhhhh..

Goddamn.

Madly On Spins the World

After school today I decided to enjoy the weather. It was lightly trickling. So instead of going straight to the bus stop, all business as usual, I decided to go the opposite way. Just to feel the dribbles of rain lightly spit on me. It felt calm and also refreshing. I even missed a bus while on my walk, but I didn't mind. I ended up at the happy mart at one point so I thought I'd go grab some oreos. I had suddenly grown a craving for them. But the shop didn't have any. It was disappointing, but I guess it's good. One less packet of oreos down my ever-growing gut now.

My headphones have also lost a vital piece of them today too. Which is a shame because they were turning out to be so good. But now one of the little foamy earbuds that goes over the ear piece has ran away. I lost it this morning in school, so chances are I'll never see it again. Nonetheless I still tried listening to both sides of my headphones, even if one side was naked. It was a strange experience. I was listening to some Rise Against, with the unbalanced headphones, and suddenly my vision phased in and out of blurriness. This was happening while I was walking to the bus stop. It kind of felt like the side of the ear phone that was unprotected was just injecting sound into my brain, overloading its sensory functions, so everything became a blur. Of course my eyes blurring could just be from something else. But it did feel like it.

I've been going through a "hard-rock/heavy-metal" stage in my music listening lately. Hence the Rise Against. But when I stepped on the bus I suddenly felt like a change of pace. So I switched over to the Weepies' World Spins Madly On. Then my eyes went blurry again. It was a strange sensation. I don't think it was particularly healthy. I've entered a mellow phase now with my music listening. That'll probably last a couple of days before it morphs into something else. Before the hard rock phase I was in the acousticy-indie-country phase. That one was fun.

So all of that is basically what happened to me immediately after school one particularly uneventful Tuesday. It may sound all so trivial, but that's just because it is. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Good-by

I threw away that rank potato today. It was completely moldy. Not a fraction of it was left that wasn't either crumpled inwards or covered in a cancerous fungus. Gross. Eyuck. Eck. Nyeeeh. Nasty.

You know. I suddenly don't really feel like writing more. Ah, that's weird. Oh well. That's it I guess. Here's a completely unsubstantial piece of shit for anyone unlucky enough to stumble upon this.

Persevere.

Oh man, I'm so gullible. It's not even funny how easily I trust. But that doesn't stop me laughing at myself anyway. Damn. You'd think I'd have learned by now. But then I was never into the whole "learning from my mistakes" thing anyway. Hah, if only that were true.

My hat's off though. Goodshow, lad.

I'm in an almost empty bus now. I'm the only one in the pit, which is cool. Now chance to be squished next to someone and be forced to have some kind of horrible physical contact with someone. I never really sit down on busses, except for when I'm with someone else normally. No bus buddies this week, which was kind of sad. But it left me time for music I guess, so that's something. I'm listening to the Killers now. Haven't done that for a while now; listened to them. It's like catching up with an old friend I guess. Except there's no input from me and they're just shovelling everything I've already heard in my ear. But when it sounds this good, i'm not complaining. After the 100th time you listen to something, it always amazes me when I hear something new that I didn't notice. It really makes me appreciate something just that bit more than I already do.

Ah. Everything will be alright. That's the song that's playing right now. I believe in you and me. This is a nice song. I listened to it while I was doing my biology practical. Everything will be alright. Sometimes it's nice to hear someone say that to you I think. Even if it is just a stockpiled generic phrase of comfort, you can tell when it's genuine. Well maybe I couldn't since I'm so damn gullible, bit you get the picture. Unfortunately the song doesn't come with a reaffirming hug. Ah well. The strings that swell in and out of the verse kind of feel like one. A brain hug. I should stop talking about hugs now, it's starting to get a bit sad in here. In here In my head. But. Everything. Will be alright. Someday.

I'm really sad that our drummer has left the band. Playing with Half an Hour Late was the best time I had at the end of every week. He will be missed. But I understand why he needs to leave. No hard feelings. Just soft ones.

I'm off the bus now and I was typing that last sentence while i was walking and nearly walked into a wall. So, good-by now. See you never. Or tomorrow. Or tonight.